People used to think that public speaking was a fate worse than death. The truth is that we aren’t afraid to speak in public. We’re afraid of being judged in public.
We aren’t just afraid of being judged, our biggest fear – OUR BIGGEST FEAR – is that of being ostracized, cut off from the tribe we so desperately want to belong to.
Look at teenagers. They all go through it – they want so much to stand out and be seen as independent all the while worried about being cut out of the “in” group.
And now you, dear #DynamicLeader, get to step into a new mindset. What if, instead of being afraid of losing the tribe you belong to, you realize that anyone who judges you harshly isn’t part of YOUR tribe! You choose with whom you surround yourself.
One of my High-Performance clients and I spoke of this just a few days ago:
If people reject my message, they’re not rejecting me....
It would be so great to sit with you and catch up. How great to learn about what you’re up to and to share in the possibilities that are just in front of you! I’d love to share with you my aspirations and dreams, too.
And then, we disappear, and we’re back, and one or the other of us is gone again.
Have you ever been with someone you care about and feel as though, even when they’re right in front of you, they’ve stopped being with you? Have you felt left out of their private party because they’ve been sucked into the phone or wrist tech?
I didn’t know I was guilty of that. I thought I could multi-task and stay in the conversation even though I was just checking my messages.
I was just seeing who texted.
I was just looking at the subject line of the email.
“Do you have somewhere else to be?” she asked me, shaking me out of my distraction.
I looked up...
A voice made me look up from shopping: “Aren’t you the doctor from San Francisco?”
A couple of the Stuck At The Top breakthrough mastermind members and I went to dinner after this amazing event had concluded. It was a delightful way to wind down and, following dinner, we strolled the shops connecting Bally’s to Paris in Las Vegas where I held my retreat session this past weekend.
While I’m known for traveling with a Curious George because you can’t be in judgement if you live in curiosity, I’m also known for some of the louder shirts I wear. And when I saw a shop with my kind of shirts in the window, I wandered in. This was a place I had been to a little over a year prior. This shop was one of my faves actually, and I was happy to have found it again!
What happened next was mind-blowing.
“Aren’t you the doctor from San Francisco?”
Maggie, the shopkeeper had remembered me from over a...
Depending on where you’re from, that statement, “You’re kind of bold,” can be construed as a compliment or as a condemnation. Personally, being bold is a driver for me. I grew up playing safe and making nice. I grew up making sure everyone else was okay and that no one felt badly. I grew up going along to get along.
And my gift was stifled.
It wasn’t until my mid-forties that I gave myself permission to begin a journey of true “becoming” and full self-expression.
How many of us play it small so as not to attract attention or offend anyone? How many times have you decided not to speak up because, well, you might look bad or even be seen as stupid? That judgment can come at home, at work, in social groups, or even online.
Heck, there is no shortage of people who will judge you openly. And that’s too bad because the world needs your voice! What would have happened if, in that class you...
You make an impact every day. You influence people around you every day. And you wield personal (and perhaps positional) power every day. You are, in fact, responsible for consciously choosing to impact others so that you can do so deliberately and, because you’re here, that means positively. You get to positively impact the people in your life consciously, mindfully.
Anytime you’re in contact with someone, you have the opportunity to make a difference in their life.
I want to offer you some concepts to think about here. I’ve had the privilege of bringing these ideas to others as a speaker, trainer, facilitator, and coach. These concepts have been so well received that I realized that as one of my readers, you are now part of something that is more than just a concept, it’s a movement.
By being a consistent reader of Wednesdays With Wayne, you’ve demonstrated that while having influence and gaining success...
I just celebrated a birthday. That’s my personal New Year and it’s a time to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m headed. In celebration, Shannon and I took a trip to Chicago. We played, we walked, we ate, and we enjoyed good theatre.
HAMILTON has been widely acclaimed and for good reason!
It’s genius writing with doctoral level research into the time period for accuracy overlaid by a modern cast with modern lyrics and dialogue. This Wednesdays With Wayne isn’t about my critique or review of this stage play.
Nope. I’m not reviewing the play; I’m bringing you a strong concept that comes from Aaron Burr’s character: “Talk less. Smile more. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.”
Burr was known for being wishy-washy. And he lost a lot because of it. When you take a stand, you make a declaration about what you...
In preparing a speech recently, I offered to share it with some family members, noting that I’d just run through it. My son interrupted me, “Practice Like You Play.”
When advice that you’ve given to others boomerangs back at you, it’s pretty significant.
I wouldn’t hit a field, a sports court, or a dojo in a halfway state. Even in practice, if I’m in, I’m in. And so the words resounded strongly with me.
I have a habit of waking up “ready.” I am ready to take on the day because I’ve prepared for each day the night before. Some people make their lunches. Some people pick out or set out their outfits. And I have a habit of High Performance of reviewing my schedule, loving the calls I see I have (that’s a mindset shift of “get to” vs. “have to” and I really do LOVE the people I’ll be having calls with), and looking at places...
The note, discretely written on the back of the hot tea label was discretely slipped to me with that one word written on it.
I was speaking in front of a large group and I have to admit, there would be other notes I would have rather received. That said, I’m glad that one of the attendees found a way to let me know that, in fact, my zipper was down.
I lost my train of thought and while the note was discreet, I chose to fix the issue and then disclose the note to my audience. And now, in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, I’m choosing to share my embarrassment with you.
As a leader, you’re going to make mistakes right out there where others can see them.
You are human and by not trying to be other than that, you allow your audience – your team, your family, the community – to trust you even more. Yes, you could beat yourself up for being unprofessional or whatever other words come to...
I trust myself.
This simple sentence lets you get over the fear of the unknown.
This lets you get beyond stage fright or even not being “perfect” at whatever it is you think you might be judged on.
Trust is about honoring another person. And, oddly enough, trust is NOT about other people. It’s about you. Trust is knowing that you have the ability to respond congruently, in alignment, with your truest self and that you’ll get through.
Trust is about knowing that you will respond to any situation in alignment with your best self.
That means that when you feel judged, you can remind yourself, “I trust myself to continue in alignment.” When you wonder whether you’re “good enough,” you can remind yourself of that very thing, as well. When you wonder whether you can get through a particularly difficult time, remind yourself that you will continue in alignment with...
It continues to surprise me how many people seek permission to be better, to step up into their greatness. Even in working with my high-level high-performance clients, people you might think would be “crushing it” out there, the question of “is it okay to do this?” arises for them.
So the nudge you get from me in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne is simply this: Not only do you have permission to step into your next best version of yourself, but it’s necessary to do so.
Just imagine yourself today making the same decisions in the same way you did ten years ago! The you of a decade ago thought about things differently and therefore discerned what was best for yourself based on knowledge you had then. You’re not that same you.
Get it? You’re not that same you. And now, as this version of you, it’s imperative that you take your next steps deliberately and...