With summer upon us (and yes, it snowed in some areas recently), it can be hard to understand how anyone could get bored. Sure, it’s a common cry for teens who have been removed from their technology, “I’m borrrrrred.” The parental response used to be, “just go outside, there’s plenty to do!”
As adults, we might also experience what we could label as boredom: that feeling of there not being anything worth doing, feeling stuck, or locked into a routine without end. Boredom, then, is your psyche telling you to be polite and not to burn something down. Any animal that feels backed into a corner will fight for a bit. But when we feel caged – locked into that place or way of being – we shut down.
In the 1960s, Dr Martin Seligman did some research with dogs in kennels. It wasn’t pretty and he coined the phrase, “Learned Helplessness” to describe the effects of giving up and taking the...
Surgery is a weird thing. It’s an imposition of trauma on the body in a controlled circumstance.
The resultant need for healing implies associated pain.
A martial arts injury from two and a half decades ago finally needed some attention.
I had a bone in my wrist removed and four corners of my other bones screwed together.
My brother pointed out that I’ve been in a “legal knife fight” by having a surgeon open my wrist. And in healing, there is pain.
While appropriate meds have that managed, I believe that a lot of the healing came from the support I received. With a couple hundred well-wishers and prayer warriors online and my wife giving selflessly, I can feel my body speeding to recovery.
As I write, it’s been just a few days since surgery and I’m off of meds (except for 400mg of ibuprofen).
How is this a Wednesdays With Wayne?
1) Sometimes you need to heal. Take time for that.
2) Sometimes healing brings pain....
Having cleared two days from my calendar and received special coaching for my time on the air, I was excited to be heading to Texas. The Dallas - Fort Worth area is the #5 Market in the U.S. That’s good exposure, even if it is just for a few minutes.
I got in on Thursday, surprised by the heat. Okay, I knew I was coming to Texas; the heat wasn’t really that big of a surprise to me. My Uber driver was a man from Jerusalem and was so proud of having passed his immigration interview. He showed me his letter as he eagerly awaits the call to be sworn in as a citizen of the United States. He was almost in tears, and as he told me his story, I felt a tug inside. What must it be like to want to be here so badly?
My lodging, a Hilton, was originally the Hotel Texas. This was the last hotel that President Kennedy stayed in before, as they say, America lost its innocence. The hotel has about 14 floors. Kennedy stayed on the 8th floor...
We’re told that we don’t need anyone else to make us feel good about ourselves.
To a certain extent, that’s true.
That’s also wrong.
You are a social being and live in-relation-to others.
What we do affects others. What we say affects them, as well. And what others say or do affects us. Truly, unless you have some level of sociopathy, you do care what other people say/feel/think about you.
The trick, then for this Wednesdays With Wayne, is to choose whose influence you let in.
Because I am more and more in the public eye, I have had a few “haters” and “trolls” online. I keep my perspective and I don’t let their opinion matter. I filter those out and open to those whom I know have my best interest at heart.
As a high performer, I seek great coaching. (Yes, high performers have coaches for the sake of perspective, guidance, and exceptional counsel.) Getting the...
I laughed out loud when my client told me that she’s “been thrown into chaos lately.” That’s not the part that I laughed at.
What was both funny and poignant was what she said next, “I’ve learned I don’t care for that.” She paused, then with a smile in her voice she said, “It seems highly unnecessary.”
She has an understated style. Personally, I appreciate that. I’m always trying to get her to be just that bit more expressive. And you know, this style, her unique style, works for her. And what she said, that she’s learned she doesn’t care for chaos, that got me thinking. Who does? There ARE people who like it, need it, and even create it when it’s not there.
It really does seem “highly unnecessary,” as she says. While some thrive on the chaos, and being a victim of it - that’s where some of the greatest/lamest excuses come from - high...
A gentleman just asked me something. Actually, I asked him something first. He’s a super creative guy who is pretty grounded. And my question to him was, “what is your biggest challenge right now?”
What he came out with surprised me. He was so thoughtful. He scrunched up his face, looked sideways, looked up, looked down. He was searching.
And then he said, “I think it’s breaking the loops.”
I wanted to understand more, so I inquired further. And as he explained, I knew this would have to be a Wednesdays With Wayne blog post for you because we all have our “loops.”
He noted that he really endeavors to be mindful. And yet… And yet there are times that he gets so focused in and so close to the thing that’s in front of him that when it doesn’t go smoothly, he gets into a cycle of telling himself things and not seeing any other potential outcomes.
How do smart people get...
In talking with a leader whom I admire greatly, we discussed some valuable lessons he imparted to his teams. One of the lessons my dear friend Roger talked with me about was how doing nothing is a choice.
Procrastinators, those who put off doing something, are choosing to create panic situations at the last minute. And their choices needn’t affect you. Last week’s Wednesdays With Wayne - “Not My Monkey” - talked about how you don’t have to take on anyone else’s mess just because they created it. And this week’s topic overlaps in that the lesson is that for whatever action you take and for whatever action you don’t take, you are making a choice with certain consequences.
Consequences may be intentional and deliberate as you drive toward a particular goal. Or the consequences may be unintentional and result from either an oversight or some kind of inaction.
And that brings us back to this: Inaction is...
You may or may not know of my affinity for monkeys, particularly Curious George. He makes me smile and reminds me to stay curious. Being in that space of wonder opens up so many possibilities.
There comes a time that we each have to say, “it’s not my circus and that’s not my monkey.” People - your coworkers, your family, and even your friends - will take an interest in something and then dump or delegate.
You get to decide whether what is being given to you is something you wish to take on. In my breakthrough retreats, I will sometimes engage participants in an exercise of giving each other bags. “Here’s a gift, would you like it?” And most participants will gladly take things if given to them as a gift. Changing the context and announcing that the bag is actually a “flaming bag of poo” has some mixed effects. Some participants run. Some shun the bag, politely declining....
I found myself telling a friend that we needn’t fix a problem that isn’t ours to fix because, really, it’s only a “problem” if we view it that way. And in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, I’m asking you to take inventory of where you’re putting your energy and whether it’s really serving you.
In Choosing Your Power (my first book), I talked about my Jamaican experience where I was told “no problem” (a great saying that’s pronounced “no problaayyymmm”) which was followed by, “you fix da ting and no problemmm.”
And that makes so much sense. If something’s broken, just fix it. Then it’s not a problem.
My question is who is judging what’s broken?
If you’ve got a need in a relationship, you’re allowed to (encouraged to) have a voice and state what you need.
That said, as you look at someone else’s behavior and that person...
We’ve heard about “flow” and what it means to be in it. Think about - truly reflect and call up the memory of the last time you experienced it. It could be back when you were in school, playing sports, or practicing an instrument.
For some it is being present with their kids. For others, the flow state comes when they’re sitting on a beach soaking up the sun, listening to the waves. And for some, it’s much more active, losing yourself in a movie or cheering on your favorite ball players.
What that has to do with Revealing Reality is this - your Wednesdays With Wayne hug and gentle nudge - when you experience that sense of ahhhhh and nothingness and time both flies by and stands still, you’re just present.
Nothing else exists except that moment. That moment is one of pure presence and nothing else comes close to this living, breathing meditation that you didn’t get to accidentally. You created it. And you created it...