DR. WAYNE PERNELL

You know those moments when you think about something and cringe?  You know, the time that you look back and you just  know you could have handled something differently?  And then there are times that things go sideways and you don’t know how, but you end up feeling badly about how something seemingly so small played out to become that conscience-heavy burden that you now carry.

While that seems to happen less and less, the thing is… it does happen.  In this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, we’ll look at the one “dance” that we all need to know… it’s what I call The Dance Of Forgiveness.  

It’s something we do for ourselves or, more likely, to ourselves when we replay what might have been.  Sometimes, we need this Dance Of Forgiveness as a reset for our entire mindset for the day.  That thought cascade of “now what” will be offset and reset by reframing.  Instead of “now...

Never was I struck by the obstacle of ego more than with a recent group I was coaching.  Some members were so mired down by the need to hold onto control that they failed to look beyond what they already knew.  In so doing, they fought for being “right” and missed key opportunities to propel themselves to the richer, fuller lives they claimed to want.

The one key thing that all leaders need to get out of their way is… themselves.  That’s it.  That’s so simple, right?  If you want to grow, then you’re growing into something that you’re not already.  To do that, you have to do something (or think something) that you haven’t already.  So what needs to get out of your way?  You.  

Leaders learn.  They lean in and are aggressively hungry for new knowledge, new experiences, and new applications of what they're taking in.  Real leaders aren’t spectators, vaguely curious about how...

It may sound odd to say that HOW we think affects WHAT we think and that now, more than ever, we all need to understand certain cognitive processes.  Multiple studies over this past decade have explored the dual-process concepts of how we think.  

Have you ever been talking with someone (in person or even on Social Media) and the conversation turns into an argument that ends up going sideways?  You wonder how could a rational person think that way.  Your friendship might be threatened because the need to defend the deep belief system is so powerful.  

In this Wednesdays With Wayne you’ll learn how to use both types of thought processes to your advantage.  It’s a little different than my usual writing, because heavy academic studies make this kind of dry.  So I’ll break it down a bit and give you what you need on this page.  Just stick with me here and, in the comments, let me know what you think!

First, start with the notion...

We all have something we’ve hung onto for too long.  Maybe you have a habit.  Maybe you even have a resolution… a New Year’s resolution from four or five years ago… maybe yours is a “someday” kind of thing.  It’s time to give it up.

Yes, really.  As your advisor I’m saying that if you’ve hung onto something for this long, it is no longer driving you.  It’s an anchor.  You’re not feeling driven by it.  You’re actually feeling guilty and weighed down.  It’s now a “supposed to” instead of a “want to” or “joyfully get to.”  

I have a couple of academic pursuits on my list that I’ve been dragging with me for about two decades.  Someday, I’ll study xyz and then . . .

And you know what?  “Someday” isn’t on the calendar.  I’m not compelled to make that happen.  It was on the...

From the fifth floor, my hotel room balcony looked over the 17th hole of a pretty difficult golf course.  The water hazard was big enough to allow boats their passage, though only waterfowl frequented this one.  

I’m not much of a golfer, but I do know a good stance and positive intent when I see it.  That all looks so different from distraction and hope.

And that’s the message for today’s Wednesdays With Wayne.  Thanks for being here.  From my perspective, several things helped the golfers get where they wanted to be.  As you read this, think about your daily life and how what I saw in these men and women could relate to your day.

The first thing I saw was intent.  They had a target, a singular goal, in mind.  They weren’t going to shoot for this hole or that hole or “maybe somewhere over there.”  They were deliberate.  In Choosing Your Power, I talked about having an EPO – Envisioned...

I wish I could just wave a magic wand and have all of this done for me.  We humans wish a lot.  We want things done for us while we take action in the opposite direction quite often.  We’ll wish to lose weight, become more fit, speak a new language, have more money, take more vacations, etc.  And then, we sit on the couch eating chips and watching TV.  

This blog post is about your life, today and at this time next year.  We’ve just turned a calendar page….  Heck! We just threw out the old calendar and put up a new one.  What that means is that you get to build what you want this year.  

In Choosing Your Power, I talked about having an EPO – Envisioned Positive Outcome.  What do you see for yourself at this time next year?

You can make New Year’s Resolutions.  For most people, those are empty wishes.  But you’re not most people, are you?  Nope!  You’re here and that means...

If you’re like a lot of people, you’re happy to put 2016 behind you.  Wow, so much bad stuff happened.  

There are fewer of us, it seems, who feel like we gave a lot to 2016 and it gave a lot back.  We look at what happened and don’t judge it as bad or good, necessarily.  We simply acknowledge that it happened.  We acknowledge that we have – or had – feelings about what happened.  Most likely, what occurred in 2016 didn’t happen TO you.  It happened as a result of any number of circumstances.

As you’re wrapping up 2016 and heading into 2017, consider what this coming year will hold.  Consider your feelings as you look back and reflect on your state of mind as you look ahead.

So often we look back with relief and look ahead with hope.  

Sometimes we look back wistfully and look ahead with dread or apprehension as if to say, “dang, if that’s what last year held, I’ve got to really...

I just got a great big lesson and I’m wondering if you get these too –

It’s so rare that this happens and yet, it seems that every time I get mad about the way I’ve been treated, I get it wrong.  And then I say or do something that isn’t living from my best Self.  

Deep down I KNOW that I’ve had an amygdala hijack.  I’ve felt put-down, let-down, or shut-down.  I’ve gotten my feelings hurt and I’m going to make sure the other person knows how I feel.  And then, what comes out of me is just me being a poo-head.  (That’s a technical term.)

It’s a loss of perspective.  

We get it wrong when we lose perspective.

It’s just that simple.  That’s why even the highest performers need coaches and advisors – for perspective.  We get better when we have someone on the outside guiding us to our next level, a level that we can’t see.

In regaining perspective, we...

The two skills that every leader needs for success can be practiced, refined, and honed.  I’d like to assume that because you’ve found me and this precious space of Wednesdays With Wayne that you’re probably already pretty good at one of them.

The first is the place from which you build trust.  It is only when you say what you intend and then congruently take action that you show true credibility.  Are you living authentically or are you one person in one situation and someone else with different values and goals in another?  Certainly, our behavior and demeanor might change situationally.  Personal values and integrity do not change however.  What this means is that though you might behave on a range of behavior whether you’re at the grocery store or in a board meeting, your values will come through.  If you value people, you won’t be condescending to a clerk and professionally poised in front of your work-group....

Busy is NOT something to boast about.  Though it may feel good to work through lists or chug through your day, imagine an alternative answer to the question, “Hey how’re you doing?”

1. Oh, dang, I’ve been really busy – things are really busy here
2. I’m feeling really great, so grounded after taking some time for myself

We’re all so busy, especially right now.  We’re in the midst of preparing and planning, closing out the year, shopping, and holding it all together.

We ARE holding it all together, right?  

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.  There are so many details to track and hold onto.  They’re in your head, in your calendar, and on your phone.  There are so many people that depend on you for so many things.  No wonder it’s easy to answer the “how’re you doing” question with, “…busy!”

In all of the noise, it’s essential to plan (yes PLAN)...