I had a realization recently that was sparked by feeling really uncomfortable. I was almost defending what I had been doing for the past three and a half decades. While I’m always working on improving and I continuously learn and grow, I found myself defending my expertise.
It’s my area.
What happened that I felt like I needed to prove myself?
Old stories. It’s just that simple. A question got in that wedged doubt in and pushed the “not good enough” button. Old stories carried forward and the questions surfaced: “Do I actually know enough? Am I the right person to show up for this?”
So what’s The Truth?
The truth is that questioning worth is allowing the lie of an old story a lot of us carry forward. We’re good at what we do. We’re even experts when it comes to what we do. And when a small sliver gets in, just under the skin, it starts to fester.
Clean that out fast.
Here’s something that has come up over and over throughout the years and I don’t think I ever wrote it anywhere. It’s a way to keep yourself emotionally neutral when you’re dealing with family members or team members, managing up or down the line.
Here’s an especially great approach to use for yourself, too!!!
Focus on three things:
Counseling a team member or celebrating a win can use these steps!
Resetting goals for yourself can rely on these, as well!
“Hey (team member or family member or your name here), your job was to get (xyz thing) done in a particular way. That did/didn’t happen. In fact, what did happen was ________. What needs to happen next is (action steps or celebrations).”
Also, check in with what support might be desired to reach that goal.
And contract for an...
Spring has sprung and I’m looking at the past quarter wondering how the calendar pages are turning so quickly.
With a change in season, we’re all offered the reminder that a change in outlook is possible.
And I’ll push that further. Not only is a change possible, it’s necessary. Look at the baggage and wreckage you’ve taken with you from the past several years. We’ve lived with looming fear day after day. Our trust in the political system eroded, our trust in the educational system eroded, and worst of all, our trust in each other eroded.
How we approach the world affects everything and it’s important to be deliberate about that from the moment we awaken. Personally, I make it a habit to say “Thank You” as the first two words out of my mouth each morning. Yep, I start the day in gratitude for the day. And guess how that helps the rest of the day flow!
So today, the way you’d...
“I’m living the dream…”
“I’m still chasing my dreams!”
“I’ve given up on my dreams.”
What’s up with those elusive dreams?
You had them when you were younger. You believed that they were possible. You got into a routine (might we say “rut”), and now those dreams seem so far behind you that there’s no reason to reach back after them.
And that’s true, there’s no reason to reach backwards.
Stop reaching for yesterday’s dreams!!!
That doesn’t mean that you should give up dreaming, wishing, or desiring.
Here’s what it does mean: You might be holding onto something that anchors you to a past that’s unreachable. The famous quote from the old On The Waterfront movie, Marlon Brando utters, “I coulda been a contender.”
I think about dreams of the past the way I think about grieving a loved one’s passing....
There have been some truly odd things that I’ve seen and heard in the three and a half decades I’ve worked with organizations’ leaders. As my DynamicLeader® Brand is shifting a bit, I was reflecting on the good, the bad, and the SMH confusing leadership moments I witnessed.
My work is about clarification, it’s about communication, it’s about curiosity, and it results in boosted productivity and, dare I say, a sense of fulfillment!
And that sounds so easy and fun. The thing is, I’m called in to support teams in becoming more efficient and leaders in the skills of leadership because things are messy.
As I worked to build a communication bridge between two departments within the same corporate division, I asked a question about his ideas on collaboration.
“Can your group work in tandem with the other group? Can’t you find a way to collaborate?”
He was serious when he...
I’m in a class at 6am every morning. It’s an online group and the good news for me as I travel is that the classes are recorded so that I can come back to them to pick up the ones I missed. When 5am rolled around today, I rolled over, happy that I had time, knowing that if I needed to sleep just a little longer I could, and convincing myself that since I worked out hard yesterday, my body needed the rest.
When I opened my eyes at 5:50am, I had a flood of thoughts that ranged from “I could roll over for just a little more sleep; it’s still dark out” to “Oh my gosh, I’m not late” and “I committed, I need to do this.”
I leapt out of bed, “Thank You” being the first words out of my mouth. Yep, even in a rush, I’m grateful to have this day. I gathered my workout clothes and headed to my computer. This did two things: 1) it got me to my class on time… dressed, and 2) it prepared me to work...
“Go ahead. I trust you.” Powerful words that aren’t uttered lightly. When clients speak these to me, I’m honored and hold the promise of that trust as sacred. I know I’ve earned it. I know that my actions, my comments, the amount of push I give because of the insights I offer, that’s all based on being real and true to myself first.
You can’t trust me if I don’t trust myself and, conversely, I can’t – and won’t – trust you if I don’t get a sense that you don’t trust yourself. Are you trustworthy?
Do a quick check in with yourself. Don’t just knee-jerk react to say that “of course” you are. Think about this: Are you Trust Worthy, worthy of being trusted by others and certainly first, are you worthy of being trusted by you?
When you tell yourself that you’re going to change a habit and on day two you revert, are you trustworthy? When you are dealing...
You know I’m a fan of “begin before you’re ready.” I’ve seen so many people that keep themselves stuck because of the lies that they tell themselves and try to convince me of, “I’m not ready just yet.” They soften it with those last two words.
Really, I’ve seen A LOT of ambivalence over the years. People will tell me that they want to work with me, they know their life will improve, they want the programs that they’ve heard are life changing. And yet a commitment isn’t fully made.
And from where you’re sitting, you might be wondering why people don’t just make a commitment. Or, you might be reflecting on those New Year’s Hopes that weren’t really resolutions after all and realizing how they fell away, yet still linger as a distant wish.
The key is decision plus action.
The obstacle is ambivalence and that shows up as resistance. You tell yourself stories that include...
Think about the last thought you had. Whether it was, “okay, I’ll just read this and then I’ll…” or “I wonder what he means by that headline,” your thoughts are future focused. THAT is why it’s SO important to pay attention to them.
From, “I wonder what’s for dinner” to “That jerk at work probably didn’t get his stuff in on time,” you’re predetermining your future condition.
The reason I start every morning with gratitude, “Thank You” being the first two words out of my mouth as I awaken each day, is that doing so sets the stage for me to think about the day. I’m in gratitude, so I get to do things in my day.
My thoughts float to what I get to do, not what do I have to do and who is going to need something from me. I choose to serve greatly each day. That’s a thought I have and it sets up my future… even if that future is simply...
I’m growing… a lot.
And as such, my focus is changing. You know, I used to find places where I could inspire hope. And, to a degree, I’m still a cheerleader. With that said, I’ve also grown past simply telling you that you could be better, that you could step up, that you could live a life beyond the one you’re living.
I’m The Breakthrough Success Coach
And while it is still true that you can live a life beyond the one you’re currently living, my approach is different. And you may need to hear this.
The level of excellence in your life is up to you. What you don’t need to hear anymore is that you have a voice in the world. You’ve followed my work long enough to know that. You may or may not yet be able to speak up in all the places that you want or need, and yet you know that you can.
Here’s where things get interesting – your state of mind...