Wrapping Your Brain Around Transact vs. Relate

wednesdays with wayne Aug 30, 2023

I’m fascinated by puzzles and sometimes that means exploring everyday word origins. The study of the origin of words is called etymology. Maybe you knew that. Maybe that’s new for you. Don’t worry, today’s blog isn’t about etymology. It’s about two specific words and how we use them.

 

Trans – It’s important to understand this prefix: it means across. Think transatlantic, where you cross the ocean. Think transaction where you engage with someone giving and taking.

 

Re-Lation-Ship is Again-Coming Together-The State Of. That is, the state of coming together again. It’s not static and though transaction is a part of every relationship, it’s not what the relationship should be built upon. 

 

That is, in relationships, we can come together again to give to the other, to support the other, or to love the other. We don’t come together for the sake of giving, supporting, and loving IN ORDER TO be given...

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Negatively Leveraging Attachment

wednesdays with wayne Aug 23, 2023

Here’s a bit of psychology to think about today. It’s about how you treat others and really, how you treat yourself.

 

How often do we shame others into doing what we want by implying that our attachment to them will be damaged somehow? We learned it from our parents. We pass it on.

 

Be good and you’ll get some adulation and/or other reward.

Work hard and you’ll get some adulation and/or other reward.

Expect others to do as you want, and they’ll get your adulation and/or some other reward.

 

And if you’re not good, hard working, or do what you’re told… what happens?

 

You’ll be cut off, ostracized, and left out in the cold to die.

 

Ridiculous when you read it. And yet, your subconscious thinks that’s exactly what’s going to happen.

 

And the remedy is… awareness.

Awareness leads to choice, and choice leads to greater awareness. That’s an ever-expanding spiral.

 

When...

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Front Door Bias

wednesdays with wayne Aug 16, 2023

I’m traveling again (a big shocker to my loyal readers, I’m sure). 

In looking for lunch, I was exploring the local area with my wife, and found a restaurant that looked like it might be our kind of chill place for a place to grab a bite. Chain restaurants are only ever on the radar as a last resort. This was a local spot with a sister restaurant about 40 miles away.  

 

We stepped through the door and were met by a young woman who looked up at us as if we hadn’t seen her in five years. She was so happy we were there and welcomed us warmly. We don’t even know her name, just that somehow, we were in the right place.

 

And then, Hailey came by. Hailey wanted to ensure that we were comfortable and also had the “so glad to see you/so glad you’re here” kind of energy. A smile. A twinkle in her eye. And proud to be working at a place that has great food and wonderful team morale.

 

This is a tribute to the management...

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Proving Significance

wednesdays with wayne Aug 09, 2023

Life is hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. The news and social media will tell you ALL ABOUT how hard it is. And you begin to believe it.

 

You have friends that complain about life. You have family that complain about their burdens and what they’re dealing with this week… today… ten minutes ago.

 

You might be tempted to join in, thinking that by sharing the struggles you’re having, that you’re somehow sympathizing. Be aware that the complaining about life’s struggles is part of identity formation.

 

Read that again. You need to get this one clearly.

People complain because that’s part of their identity. 
                           “Ohhh, the struggle.”


Don’t get me wrong. Struggle is a part of life. The working title of my very first book, Choosing Your Power was A Worthy Struggle.  And then I shifted because I was writing...

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Bring What You WANT

wednesdays with wayne Aug 02, 2023

I want to…

 

Whatever that is, you first.

What do you want? Bring that to the game, your game.

 

Go yell at your fireplace in the winter: “Give me warmth, then I’ll give you some wood.”

I often counsel the leaders I work with, “You first, dear leader. You take action first.” 

 

I want…

            to be super wealthy. 

                      Great. How have you helped others to uplevel their lives through your leadership,
                       your efforts, or your contributions?

 

            to go on vacation.

                       You know, vacations come in all shapes and sizes. The big question is whether
                 ...

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Missing Your Exit

wednesdays with wayne Jul 26, 2023

Have you ever had the feeling of flowing with traffic so well that you’re flying down the freeway and realize that, darn it, you needed to be over in the other lane in order to get off. At the exit you were to take a predefined path to your destination.

 

Instead of getting off, you were:

  1. In the flow and just forgot that the next step was coming up so quickly
  2. Caught in traffic and unable to merge in time

 

You missed your exit.

Do you turn around and head back to where you started? “Darn it. I missed my exit. I guess I’ll go home and start over.” You don’t. You know where you’re headed. So you find a way. A new way. Maybe even potentially a better way. 

 

A new way to your goal could open lots of doors for you. 

 

You’re driving on a winding road. It’s pretty, and you can’t always see around the curves. Traffic may be coming. Or not. 

 

You look for signs.

You listen. 

And you make...

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Uncertainty, Resilience, and Courage (Tolerating uncertainty)

wednesdays with wayne Jul 19, 2023

Think back a few years. Pretend it’s 2019. 

Someone is telling you that every morning when you wake up, there will be new rules. There will be statistics that make you wonder what’s real. Basic staples disappear, chicken and toilet paper (of all things) are hoarded. Those must be the things that will keep us alive… surviving. 

 

Surviving. Is that the best we can hope for?


We’re here to thrive and mere survival means we’re in distress.
                   Survival, in itself, is a dis-eased state.

 

What were we taught every single day extended beyond survival.

We learned things about ourselves. During difficult times, we are – each of us is – resilient. We are flexible and we know how to pivot. We didn’t know we needed to do so. Yet, post-pandemic, what we have gained is the knowledge that there’s more. There’s so much more for each of us. 

 

...

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Who Needs YOU?

wednesdays with wayne Jul 12, 2023

Someone, right now, needs you to recognize them a little bit more. A family member, a coworker, the grocery bagger; that person is right in front of you.

 

Acknowledging a person who needs it is worth celebrating. Doing so shakes up your subconscious and puts you on alert for who else you could be acknowledging.

 

That becomes a wave of “good vibes” and can spread throughout your organization, your family, or beyond, into the community. 

 

When I spoke in Oxford, UK, my focus was on getting to “I see you” before the perfunctory “hey, how are ya?”

 

The standard one-word answer to that question means you’re not really “fine.”

That’s why you’ve got to go with truly seeing the other person. See them. Acknowledge the human in front of you.

 

Try these on:

  • What was significant about your day so far?
  • What one thing are you looking forward to the most in the next two days?

 

Every time I...

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Fun Facts and Perspective Shifts

wednesdays with wayne Jul 05, 2023

Before I jump into the topic for this week, I thought it’d be a good idea to put some history in front of you. 

 

Most U.S. citizens don’t know this fun fact. 

While “adopted” by the second continental congress in July, The Declaration of Independence wasn’t actually ratified until August 2nd, 1776. 

 

And then…On September 9th, the Continental Congress voted to change from being the United Colonies to The United States. And since communication didn’t happen over the Internet, but rather by boat, it wasn’t until January 14th, 1784 (almost eight years after creating and signing the Declaration of Independence) that the United Colonies turned United States actually voted to become an independent Sovereign Nation. 

 

That’s significant because we often seem to celebrate the wrong things on the wrong dates. There’s no blame here; I’m inviting you to tilt your head to one side and get...

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What I Believe In

wednesdays with wayne Jun 28, 2023

Occasionally themes flow through my life and when I notice that they do, I need to call attention to them. On my podcast, One Sharp Sword – Cutting Through To What Matters Most, the past few interviews have offered me this point from different perspectives: 

 

I Believe In ME.

 

Perhaps the most powerful belief you can have in any living human is the belief and faith that you put in yourself. Something got you to this point. You’re the oldest you’ve ever been which means that you’ve survived to NOW. 

 

I Believe In My Ability To Figure This Out!

 

For any situation, will you give in? Or will you see it through. Now, I’m not opposed to a pivot if new information requires that. That’s different from giving up or giving in.

 

That also doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t ask for help.

You can and should. No one NO ONE is self-made. Anyone who is successful has support and personally,...

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