I was speaking with a Buddhist academic recently who was interested in the Culture of Caring™ program that I’m creating for organizations and leaders. One of the key concepts that came up focused on the notion that we humans have a sense of fairness.
For the most part, we see things as just, or balanced in some way. When we negotiate with someone, there’s still a sense of fairness. That is, we get a “deal” and they get what they bargained for or settled for. They chose.
The thing is, sometimes life doesn’t seem fair. And it isn’t. And it is.
Something bad happens to you or someone you love…
Someone else gets the contract or promotion…
You get rejected from person after person, job after job, etc.
It’s not about fairness.
Life is about the meaning we give to it. That’s not fair means that you’re feeling out of control by someone or something (a deity?) who is...
We’re a few weeks into the new year and any resolutions you made are likely looking more like wishes you’ll catch up to. They’re falling away because we have gotten to used to the word “resolution.” We’re not resolute from the start.
Determined, unwavering, tenacious, steadfast… resolute.
Or wish… a distant desire or hope.
Most people start their New Year (your new month, your new week, your new day) with a wish. Get back to what you desire to create for yourself.
What’s your desired outcome?
Focus there, and you will have changed the outcome of the year ahead. Day… by… day!!!
We’re told that if you want something, you’ll have to work for it.
We equate work with effort.
But sometimes “doing the work” is about building your awareness of yourself. It’s about uncovering the blind spots that have been your stumbling blocks and it’s about making that subconscious “stuff” become conscious so you can deal with it head on.
You can’t deal with it if you can’t see it. This process is amazing – if you read last week’s blog post, you’ll know that FOCUS is key. That said, there are obstacles to get beyond.
Personal blind spots are woven throughout everything you do. The subconscious desire for psychological safety can keep you reliving the same “problems” over and over.
It’s not like fighting with the shadows in the dark. It’s more like running into the same pothole in the road because you can’t see it to avoid it or, better still, to...
We made it!
Are we celebrating what’s behind us or are we getting focused and what lays ahead?
THAT is the F-word of the year: FOCUS. Start your day, your week, your month, your quarter, your year with a vision of what you want to create. What is the outcome you’d like for the year ahead?
It’s a surprisingly complex question: what outcomes will you create for yourself?
What makes that a complex question is that there are so many possibilities in so many areas of your life.
What do you want to create for yourself and others in the areas of connection, finance, and fun?
Will you create for yourself… a new car? a new career path? a new relationship? a new place to live? a new language?
Will you create for others… an improved life in any number of avenues?
Can you see it, hear it, feel it, smell it, taste it and live into it?
There will be so many demands on each of us. There will...
We made it to the end of this odd, messed-up, exciting, wonderful, terrible, great year.
Think about the growth you’ve had this year.
Through all of the tragedy and great division that we’ve seen, think about the love you’ve shared with others and the growth you’ve had for yourself.
You. Are. Different!
You’re not the same person today that you were one year ago. How could you be?
I’m not. I’ve grown in ways I didn’t know was possible.
A year ago, living bi-coastally and being an international speaker were just distant dreams. But I’m that and so much more today.
So what are you setting your sights on for your dreams, ambitions, and goals for your beautiful future? Given what you’ve just come through – whether endured or enjoyed – how are you going to make this New Year the best yet? (People mangle that by saying the “best ever” and...
Giving and Forgiving.
They’re both gifts that you benefit from.
All kinds of research has been done around the positive effects of giving.
And all kinds of research has been done about the effects of forgiving others, too.
Both acts result in a boost of endorphins and ultimately, a lightening of your psychic load.
Think about that person that wronged you a few years back.
Do you think that they’re sitting in their room somewhere reminiscing about how badly they screwed you over? Nope.
They probably didn’t even intend the kind of transgression they inflicted at the time. And even if they did, they’ve moved on with their lives. They’re different than they were at the time it happened.
Think about a time you wronged someone. You might still feel guilty about it.
If you do, think about whether it makes sense to reach out.
Before you do, recognize two things: You’ve...
A while back, there were “full-service” gas stations. You could pull up to a pump and out would run an attendant to pump your gas for you. He (almost always “he”) would ask whether you wanted your windows cleaned and to check under the hood.
The attendant would check your oil, washer level, and radiator water. If they were really thorough, they’d check your transmission fluid and brake fluid levels as well.
Then came self-service islands and you got to choose whether you wanted all of that to happen for a few cents more per gallon than to pump your own gas and check under your own hood.
And now we live in the self-service era where we’re pumping our own gas or finding charging stations for our EV.
And we assume that everything under the hood is good. We’re running down the highway, aren’t we? Everything is juuuuuuussssstttt fine, isn’t it? It is, isn’t it?
Yikes! It’s December already.
I know… I didn’t want to be reminded either. And yet, here we are!
This is the season of joy, of giving, of credit card debt, and overeating. It’s the season of forced family gatherings or happy get-togethers. Or maybe a mix of all of that.
No one day or month or “season” is good or bad. No moment is good or bad.
Do bad things happen? Yes.
Do wonderful things happen? Yes.
Can you control the events that will happen this month and the emotional reactions you’ll invoke from being with certain people or giving just the right gift?
Nope. No, you can’t.
Can you control your response to absolutely everything?
Yes, yes you can!
Look, I know that A LOT of people look forward to this time of year. It’s also true that for many, this time of year evokes memories of hard times in the past. And there are many going through hard times now.
Landing between the holidays, we take a breath. We also gear up for last minute shopping and putting ourselves into debt we didn’t intend. And we eat and indulge because, hey, it’s the holidays. We promise ourselves that the New Year is coming, so we lighten up on our previous promises to ourselves.
You’re shaking your head.
I’m not blaming here; I’m highlighting a broader issue that seems to plague the collective “we” year after year at this time.
How is all of this about a success hack?
While it is absolutely normal and natural to live our lives in rhythms (think seasonal), we can also attune ourselves to think in harmonics. That is, as one cycle rises, we also can be planting and preparing for the dip of that cycle.
Too often, February becomes a month of regret.
The bills come in, the winter weight is noticed, and the New Year’s resolutions have fallen away. If...
Living in Gratitude is truly amazing.
“Thank you” are the first two words out of my mouth every morning. Really. That’s the start of my morning ritual. And I do it deliberately with consciousness.
And yet… does it ever feel like you’re being inundated with the notion that this is the month to give thanks? Maybe it’s starting to feel like a demand.
It IS November. Tomorrow (in the U.S.) is Thanksgiving. We need to gather around a table and celebrate something that isn’t even historically accurate.
Hey, I’m not being cynical. I’m inviting an awareness to a process that we all grew up in.
(Much like the 40-hour work week that began as a function of a law established pre-WWII, we get to question what works for us and what doesn’t.)
Personally, I’m not sick of being grateful. As I started this blog with, living in gratitude is truly amazing. And I really do begin each day with...