Why are you wearing that?
Why didn’t you call?
Why are there dishes in the sink?
Want to have a fight and raise tensions at your next family gathering? Here’s a quick-start fire log for ya! A rapid succession of “Why” questions will do the trick!
There are words that will derail a conversation. Avoiding them, especially during the holidays, will help your gatherings go so much more smoothly!
“Why” is a valuable self-introspective tool and something an engineer can use to deconstruct a particular outcome. Beyond that, “why” simply becomes a tool of blame and shame.
You might as well call the other person bad, wrong, and stupid.
Instead of “Why,” consider “What” or “How”
What about that outfit do you love?
I didn’t see that you called. What can you do in the future to help us all know what your timing might be?
Since we’re all...
We’re at the end of the calendar year.
Look back at all you accomplished, especially in the wake of all of the unknowns. You’re here. You made it.
Do yourself a favor –
List five tactics or habits you employed to get yourself here
Ask a family member, friend, or coworker about theirs. Share your list. You’ll both learn a lot.
Where will you be in your life this time next year?
Choose a target (or two or three)
Believe it’s possible
Use your strengths list to help you stay in the plan!
You’ve got this!
Keep making your magic!
= Wayne =
You may be among the millions of people who just survived a family gathering. And it’s possible that you’re trying to figure out, with so much going on, how you’re just going to get through this month.
The social expectations, more family get-togethers, the politics, and holiday cheer… searching for just the right thing, paying for it, decorating, cleaning up, and closing out the year end for your business (or Q2 on a fiscal calendar) … with all of that going on, life can be a little stressful.
Our sleep is disrupted as the seasons change and as we do our best to manage all that’s going on. So if you’re feeling a little on edge this month, there’s plenty of reason for it. The trick is to remember, you’re not alone. Pretty much everyone around you is a bit on edge.
It’s not a competition.
You don’t have to be more sleep deprived than your co-worker.
You don’t have to be more on...
In the United States, tomorrow is the Thanksgiving holiday. As a reminder, you get the chance to engage in the kind of relationship YOU want.
The question is, what are you bringing to the party? Relationships aren’t 50/50. Good relationships are 100/100. That means that you need to commit to showing up in full presence. Focus on the other person. See where you can be of service. And hold boundaries when you need to.
Hold boundaries… What will you tolerate? Other people are full of drama and the holidays bring out the strangest things. Be an observer, noticing them and noticing your own responses.
If you delineate boundaries ahead of any gathering, you’re able to back away rather than having to engage in a go-nowhere kind of fight.
Practice seeing the people in your life differently. They’ve changed since you last saw them, whether that was Pre-Pandemic or whether that was just yesterday. They’ve changed. And...
As we approach the end of the year (can you believe it) we can reflect back and plan forward. There are a lot of things we have to be grateful for.
Especially as life as we knew it really has changed.
So what is the secret to real peace? This one is simple - the secret to real peace is to create it for yourself.
Yep! The secret to real peace is not to find it, but to create it. Even when things are going wrong, you have a choice about your mindset.
What opportunity is this situation offering you?
A chance to get closer? A chance to understand the situation differently? A chance to reflect inwardly about your personal triggers and where they came from?
We only get triggered when our identity is threatened.
Think about that. When was the last time you got really upset about something? It was when someone said or did something that threatened your identity or integrity (read as identity).
Sports fans get super upset...
We’re into November and usually I’ll write something reminding you about gratitude. And that’s important. So, remember the small stuff for which you’re grateful.
Okay, with that practice completed, let’s look at something really absurd…
We plan for so much. We've planned for the holidays. We know where we’re going to be at the end of the month. We know with whom we’re getting together next month. You might have already planned your menu. You might have had that planned a month or two ago.
And chances are, you've also begun planning where you anticipate stress.
Yep, I know it happens to a lot of us at this time of year. We inventory who needs what from us. We also look at whom we’ll share a table and/or conversation. Who is going to say something offensive and then what will happen when they’re put back in line? Drama. We’re planning for drama!
What if you did it...
Are we really in a contest to focus on bad news?
It sure seems like that. Doesn’t it?
There’s a hidden danger in doing so. (uh-oh, more bad news?)
No, this is to keep you aware. The bad news about the bad news is that you train your subconscious to focus on bigger, “badder,” worse bad news.
Did you hear about the floods?
Yeah, and the economy?
How much worse could it get?
It depends on how much drama you want to let into your life.
Floods? Yes, we had rain.
Economy? Yes, it’s a reset given where we were. We’re seeing a new economy based on The Great Resignation culture we’ve become a part of.
What else? Shootings, racism, political gaming…?
What will you let into your psyche? When you focus on what could be worse, you’ll find the answer. In doing so, you put your limbic system into the “on alert” space.
What if… what if you chose to offer kind...
You’ve changed, and it’s not just that cute Halloween costume you’re wearing. Nope, you’ve changed. There’s a question, though…
Do you like where you’re heading? Even though some of your predilections might be similar now to your past, what you like – essentially, what you value – has changed over time. And so the question of whether you like where you're heading demands something of you: being deliberate.
Since the seeds we plant now become the blooms/trees/fruit of tomorrow, you can consciously choose what your tomorrow looks like. Do you live in fear and doubt? What would happen if you lived your life feeling just that bit more certain? Are you someone who views the world (your world) from a place of lack? How might your life be different if you chose to simply live in a space of gratitude for the small stuff (it is Thanks-giving month, after all).
You’ve changed. And you’re supposed to!
Do you LOVE what you do?
I do! I absolutely love what I do. It’s an obsession to learn, synthesize my reading, give thought to it, and create something that’s uniquely my voice.
How might you share something of yours out in the world, with your family, or your work team?
Passion creates trust.
If it’s genuine, people know it. They tell me that all the time. It’s not some put on enthusiasm. People who work with me, especially recently, are commenting on my authenticity. What’s weird about writing about it is that I have to look objectively at my path.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve worked really hard to let go of a lot of “supposed to” stuff. You’d think that an adult at my age (yes, I just had another birthday last week) might have it all together. And I think it’s finally safe to share that you can have it all together and still be in a state of growth so that you actually never...
The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions.
Consider the last time you learned something new.
You really can’t unlearn it. You can learn new things that modify what you know, you can build on top of it, but you can’t erase having learned it.
Now, consider what it would feel like to have absolute confidence.
Think about the last time you started down a path and got derailed by doubt.
Those are two very different feelings.
You can’t un-feel confidence. You can, however, be plagued by doubt. And I am here to remind you that doubt is your enemy. Doubt is a lie.
The truth is that doubt, and fear, and all of that stuff that sounds like voices in your head wondering how the heck you’re going to get through… all of that has come from your early experiences that have been modified in adulthood to keep you safe.
Think you can’t make that next call,...