Today’s post is kind of personal. I’m sharing my journey with you and I’m hoping you can find yourself in it. It’s reflective; I seem to be doing that a lot these days.

There’s an old saying that’s like a riddle that goes: 

Do you know what happens if you don’t step out of your comfort zone?

Absolutely Nothing! Nothing happens. Nothing changes. And you die a little each day. Or, you awaken to alternatives and make different choices. You expand your life and the lives of those around you because you choose to do so.

Growth is hard. It means learning new things and sometimes it means relearning things you thought you knew but – the harsh reality is – you’re just not that good at those things so you gather the equivalent of tutors to get you through. (Pssssst, in the adult world, they’re called coaches.) I’m doing that. And by sharing, I hope you’ll be inspired to step into your own growth....

Tomorrow is my birthday and every year, I treat this as my personal New Year. 

It’s a time of renewal. 

It’s a time to reflect on the year that has gone by, celebrating the successes, and documenting the things that didn’t go as planned so that I might learn. Key point: there are no failures, only lessons. 

Key Questions:

• What were the lessons from this past year?
• What am I planning for and building into for the year ahead?

I do this annually.

Yes, I use January 1st as a time to do this, as well. 

And I do it quarterly.

Because my birthday lands so close to the end of Calendar Q3 (the third quarter of the year), it works out well. 

I use a Life-Balance Wheel that I developed. It’s not the only one out there, and this one works for me. (If you’d like a copy, email me and I’ll send you one.)

I have a segmented wheel that I assess how I’m doing in each of eight areas. If this were a...

Here’s a thing on my list. It’s important. Do I actually intend to do it?

I sometimes feel great putting stuff on my to-do list. 

• Do a blog post. Check!
• Clear email. Check!
• Prepare for client calls. Check!
• Climb Mt. Everest. Uhhh, let’s roll that over to tomorrow, still at a priority level 1, but we just won’t do it today. I’ll handle it tomorrow. And well… then it might roll to the next day.

We give ourselves the pat on the back for even thinking it’s something we’ll get to. It’s a badge of honor to have it there. And when other “stuff” consumes the day, we justify the rolling of the priority item.

That item could be related to health, to your finances, to your business, or your household. Yes, changing the wiper blades on your car is important. Oh, didn’t get out to do it, roll it over to tomorrow. Yes, calling potential clients is important. Oh, didn’t get around to doing...

Most people like to win. Some people LOVE to win. Some people will die trying to win.

And so you know where I’m coming from, winning isn’t bad. It’s just not what you think it is.

Winning often means gaining some advantage at the expense of someone else. I saw this in couples’ work all the time. And then it would repeat in the corporate setting, between colleagues and across departments, where “winning” becomes exceptionally destructive. 

Yes, “winning” a contract means that others lost out on getting that contract. And no, if you’ve won it, you don’t have to share it. The truth is, you worked hard to win. It’s not an accident you came in first. And that is something to be proud of.

So what’s the problem?

Some people think in terms of win/lose in almost all situations. They’ll negotiate about everything and if they don’t get some kind of concession, they...

You don’t have to believe in yourself all the time. You can borrow my belief in you.

I love that. We all need that to keep going sometimes because we run some pretty lonely miles in order to create our own personal successes.

What you do matters. Remember that.

And during the times that you question, “what’s it all for?” and “is it really worth it?” remember that what you do matters at every touch point to the final outcome. 

Give yourself the applause.

Ask for the parade if you want it.

Get grateful and give gratitude. 

Become grateful for the opportunity to serve.

Show gratitude when others are in their process, whether that’s your family members or work team-members. 

Do you get applause for just doing your job?

UNPOPULAR OPINION – While the current thinking is, “no, little snowflake, just do your flipping job,” the truth is that when you receive gratitude for the efforts...

A few decades ago, while earning my PhD, I was working as an employee assistance counselor. One of the major railroads was in our client services group. And one day, a man comes into my office dressed in overalls, he pulls his newspaper from his back pocket and lays it on the desk as he sits down. 

He looked distraught.

Was he here for help with drugs or alcohol?

Was he here for his relationship that’d gone badly?

I’d pretty much heard it all. And I was eager to help.

After I asked him how I could help him, noting that he looked almost defeated and that I was there to help him, his gaze slid up from his shoes to meet my eyes.

“The department of transportation is changing their rules.”

“Oh, and that affects you?”

“Yes sir. I’m an engineer.”

“Of the big trains? That’s awesome.” I smiled, truly awe-struck. My thoughts fleeted - That’s a lot of...

Clarity of desire helps you get clarity of direction. It is SO important to have that, so that you can have clarity of expectations.

Then you can ask yourself:

• What do you expect?
• Do you expect it from others (e.g., family or team members)? 
• Do they know?
• What are you getting? 
• If it matches expectations, did you praise them (and/or yourself) for hitting the target you wanted?
• If it didn’t match expectations, do you know how to adjust?

You’ve got to get clear.

You’ve got to stay clear.

And you’ve got to communicate in a way that others are clear, as well.

Clarity really does count on all levels.

“I want a coffee” is a different statement from “I would like a small Americano with almond milk, please.”

You’ll get a warm beverage in both cases, one may be for you, the other may not.

Be direct.

Be kind.

People don't know what you're thinking. They may guess, but they'll...

My clients are really smart. On our VIP 1:1 calls, sometimes they’ll prompt a response from me that I’ll want to share here. Other times, they’ll thoughtfully reflect and make simple comments that are beautifully profound.

When one of my wise clients offered this statement, I was floored. She was so soft in her reflection. It wasn’t a violent push back against how horrible this person or that person is. It was a reflection about how she had leveled up and realized that there are certain people in your life that can almost physically suck your life-force from you.  She said, 

“Sometimes the people you’re related to aren’t really good for you.”

Just like a meal, there are people in your life who are and are not good for you. We hear a lot about “toxic” family members or workplaces. And I think, personally, that term is overused. That said, by definition, toxic means poisonous. 

None...

Running a business means making lots of choices. Heck, running your life means making lots of choices, too. 

We all face choices in our lives. That’s the biggest blessing that we, as humans, encounter. Out in nature, fish just do what fish do, possums just do what possums do, and sunflowers do what sunflowers do. They have most optimal paths for survival, but they’re not making huge choices in terms of planning their lives.

At some point a few years back, I made a deliberate choice to LIVE INTO EXCELLENCE. That doesn’t mean I’m out buying myself a Lear Jet (nor will I have my picture taken with one). To me, actually, that’s NOT excellence. That’s simply excess and maybe a bit of ego. Again, not excellence.

What it does mean is that I filter out the not excellent. I make choices to enhance my life and my business. As a business owner, I’ve committed to things that I’ve then realized weren’t in my or my...

Have you ever lashed out in anger and thought, “Wow, that is SO not me. Where did that come from? How did that happen?” As one of my readers, I know that those incidents are low for you. Really low. And yet, we humans get angry sometimes. 

I’m a huge believer in the good in people.

Certainly (almost) everyone has the capacity to lean towards doing good or not doing good. Yes, there are outliers, so I’m not talking sociopaths here. I’m talking about any of us, living our best lives and then something, or a series of somethings, hijacks our amygdala. 

The amygdala is an almond shaped group of neurons located in the temporal lobe of the brain that’s responsible for encoding/filtering memories and for processing emotions, mostly… FEAR!

You know the old fight-flight-freeze phenomenon? That’s triggered by whatever your amygdala has processed for you. Isn’t that nice of it?

How does the...