DR. WAYNE PERNELL

We’re told that we don’t need anyone else to make us feel good about ourselves.  

To a certain extent, that’s true.
That’s also wrong.

You are a social being and live in-relation-to others.  

What we do affects others.  What we say affects them, as well. And what others say or do affects us.  Truly, unless you have some level of sociopathy, you do care what other people say/feel/think about you.

The trick, then for this Wednesdays With Wayne, is to choose whose influence you let in.  

Because I am more and more in the public eye, I have had a few “haters” and “trolls” online.  I keep my perspective and I don’t let their opinion matter. I filter those out and open to those whom I know have my best interest at heart.  

Who?  How?

As a high performer, I seek great coaching.  (Yes, high performers have coaches for the sake of perspective, guidance, and exceptional counsel.) Getting the...

I laughed out loud when my client told me that she’s “been thrown into chaos lately.”  That’s not the part that I laughed at.  

What was both funny and poignant was what she said next, “I’ve learned I don’t care for that.”  She paused, then with a smile in her voice she said, “It seems highly unnecessary.”

She has an understated style.  Personally, I appreciate that. I’m always trying to get her to be just that bit more expressive.  And you know, this style, her unique style, works for her. And what she said, that she’s learned she doesn’t care for chaos, that got me thinking.  Who does? There ARE people who like it, need it, and even create it when it’s not there.

It really does seem “highly unnecessary,” as she says.  While some thrive on the chaos, and being a victim of it - that’s where some of the greatest/lamest excuses come from - high...

A gentleman just asked me something.  Actually, I asked him something first.  He’s a super creative guy who is pretty grounded.  And my question to him was, “what is your biggest challenge right now?”

What he came out with surprised me.  He was so thoughtful. He scrunched up his face, looked sideways, looked up, looked down.  He was searching.

And then he said, “I think it’s breaking the loops.”  

I wanted to understand more, so I inquired further.  And as he explained, I knew this would have to be a Wednesdays With Wayne blog post for you because we all have our “loops.”

He noted that he really endeavors to be mindful.  And yet… And yet there are times that he gets so focused in and so close to the thing that’s in front of him that when it doesn’t go smoothly, he gets into a cycle of telling himself things and not seeing any other potential outcomes.

How do smart people get...

In talking with a leader whom I admire greatly, we discussed some valuable lessons he imparted to his teams.  One of the lessons my dear friend Roger talked with me about was how doing nothing is a choice.

Procrastinators, those who put off doing something, are choosing to create panic situations at the last minute. And their choices needn’t affect you.  Last week’s Wednesdays With Wayne - “Not My Monkey” - talked about how you don’t have to take on anyone else’s mess just because they created it.  And this week’s topic overlaps in that the lesson is that for whatever action you take and for whatever action you don’t take, you are making a choice with certain consequences.

Consequences may be intentional and deliberate as you drive toward a particular goal.  Or the consequences may be unintentional and result from either an oversight or some kind of inaction.  

And that brings us back to this: Inaction is...

You may or may not know of my affinity for monkeys, particularly Curious George.  He makes me smile and reminds me to stay curious.  Being in that space of wonder opens up so many possibilities.  

There comes a time that we each have to say, “it’s not my circus and that’s not my monkey.”  People - your coworkers, your family, and even your friends - will take an interest in something and then dump or delegate.  

You get to decide whether what is being given to you is something you wish to take on.  In my breakthrough retreats, I will sometimes engage participants in an exercise of giving each other bags.  “Here’s a gift, would you like it?” And most participants will gladly take things if given to them as a gift.  Changing the context and announcing that the bag is actually a “flaming bag of poo” has some mixed effects. Some participants run.  Some shun the bag, politely declining....

I found myself telling a friend that we needn’t fix a problem that isn’t ours to fix because, really, it’s only a “problem” if we view it that way.  And in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, I’m asking you to take inventory of where you’re putting your energy and whether it’s really serving you.

In Choosing Your Power (my first book), I talked about my Jamaican experience where I was told “no problem” (a great saying that’s pronounced “no problaayyymmm”) which was followed by, “you fix da ting and no problemmm.”  

And that makes so much sense.  If something’s broken, just fix it.  Then it’s not a problem.

My question is who is judging what’s broken?

If you’ve got a need in a relationship, you’re allowed to (encouraged to) have a voice and state what you need.  

That said, as you look at someone else’s behavior and that person...

We’ve heard about “flow” and what it means to be in it. Think about - truly reflect and call up the memory of the last time you experienced it. It could be back when you were in school, playing sports, or practicing an instrument.

For some it is being present with their kids. For others, the flow state comes when they’re sitting on a beach soaking up the sun, listening to the waves.  And for some, it’s much more active, losing yourself in a movie or cheering on your favorite ball players.

What that has to do with Revealing Reality is this - your Wednesdays With Wayne hug and gentle nudge - when you experience that sense of ahhhhh and nothingness and time both flies by and stands still, you’re just present.  

Nothing else exists except that moment.  That moment is one of pure presence and nothing else comes close to this living, breathing meditation that you didn’t get to accidentally.  You created it. And you created it...

We let so much “stuff” into our lives that it feels like we’re being pulled in all kinds of directions.  Sometimes, there’s no time for doing what matters. In this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, you’re getting a hard shove back into commanding your life.  

When you take command of what matters to you, then you stop letting other things in.  Chances are, you don’t really have a full grasp of your day. Someone else controls your time.  Or, perhaps, a lot of other people do.

I would venture to say that someone else controls your thinking, too. If you rely on one primary source for your news and you get bent out of shape when you see things posted on Facebook, you’re not paying attention.  

As politically off-putting as this might sound, this is about your own “border wall.” You haven’t been really careful about what you are you choosing to allow into YOU.  From the TV you watch to the...

You have dreams and aspirations.  Maybe they’re active. Or, maybe they’re buried.  And in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, we’re looking at the Quest you’re on.  

Daring to honor your dreams is an entirely separate topic. Let’s just put it out there: You owe it to yourself and the people you serve to step further into your dreams because the chances are likely that you become a better human for doing so.  And that means, you enhance those around you. Bottom line on the Pursuing Your Dreams thing – Do It!!!

Which one(s)?

How do you know that the quest you’re on is the right one?  
The answer is simple – your passion ignites. Your quest becomes a calling.

I’ll go personal here for a second to see if this resonates with you.  For a long time, I don’t think I had anything I called a hobby. I practiced and taught martial arts.  I performed magic in a local night club on a weekly basis....

You’re on a quest.  You have a direction.  You’re asking for support.

And then… someone put’s a little pin-prick in your balloon by saying something like, “I don’t think that’s such a great idea.  It’s not something *I* want to do.”

Your balloon deflates slowly.  And in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, we’re looking at what to do when you get pushback.

You could take that as a personal affront.  
The idea and the project were yours and someone doesn’t like the idea and, worse, doesn’t want to go along?

Now what?

You could get super-parental.  “Oh you WILL do this because I said so.”  That’s using positional authority and will get zero buy-in, though you may get your way.  And, you’re not that kind of leader. You don’t fling your power about based on your title or position.

So, what to do?  Well dear leader, you get to get curious....