Look Outside, It’s Who???

wednesdays with wayne Apr 19, 2023

Look up and away from whatever you’re reading this on. 

See what’s out there? 

 

Outside of you are forces that attempt to impact you. 

There are people, noises, weather conditions, smells, and so much more.

 

Notice that I said that they attempt to impact (or influence) you? 

You’ve got voices of authority clamoring to be heard. And everything else. It’s all sensory noise.

 

None of it – NONE OF IT – needs to affect your plans for becoming your next amazing iteration of yourself, as leader or friend or partner or explorer or philanthropist or whatever role you put yourself in. Nothing outside of yourself needs to affect your trajectory unless you deliberately call it in to support you in your quest.

 

And the quest could be simply to have a quieter future. That’s cool, too. Nothing outside of you needs to affect your path unless you deliberately call it in to support you on your path.

 

Some key...

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Obligation OR Potential

wednesdays with wayne Apr 12, 2023

Occasionally, my private client calls fuel some thoughts that I can pass along in this format. When a new client, who is a high-level professional woman dealing in contracts in the millions of dollars, was wrestling with the reasons she felt distracted, pulled in all directions, and couldn’t find any possible way to work on building herself, it sounded like she had been obligating herself into martyrdom. 

 

“I’m a giver,” she exclaimed, as if that was a reason to rush headlong into burnout. 

 

I stopped her. Somewhere in her past she had been rewarded for being the good girl who would make sure everyone else was okay and then see what might be left over for her. 

 

“STOP!” I demanded. 

 

She was surprised. Her stories had always carried her to the land of excuses, and she’d been celebrated as the heroine of her treacherous journey. 

Not today. Not… to… day!!!

 

“You are...

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Separating Crisis from Drama

wednesdays with wayne Apr 05, 2023

Put one hand in the air.

Raise the other arm and put that hand in the air too.

Sway side to side.

Now scream, Aaaaarrrrgghhhhhhhh

 

If there’s a fire in the building, that won’t get you too far. But it could start a new dance craze!

 

I used to have a sign at my desk (when I work in the Corporate world) that said, “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute a crisis on mine.” That was my way of controlling the last minute deadline-driven dramatic cries for either attention or help. I wouldn’t put a sign up like that now. It’s kind of mean and honestly, I ended up helping people who had gotten themselves into jams. 

 

I think the distinction between crisis and drama is important. Occasionally events arise that are beyond our control. Occasionally those things require immediate, decisive action. Those times are rare though. 

 

If they’re not, then you’re likely creating drama and calling it a crisis....

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Game of Skill

wednesdays with wayne Mar 29, 2023

If you learned to drive, you know that when you first approached the car as an early teen, it looked easy. And as you learned about speed and braking distance while building your proprioceptive capacity (you learned how big the car was so you could stay away from other cars and obstacles), you began integrating new skills.

 

It was fun. 

 

It was almost like a game. The more you learned, the more skills you had at your disposal. You “leveled up” your game and you became one with the car. You knew the sounds and vibrations. You knew the buttons and knobs.

 

You knew.

 

You knew because you learned. You deliberately put yourself in a position to learn and grow. Sometimes you failed along the way. And you kept going anyway.

 

When I was learning to drive, I ran over a gigantic rock in the roadway, something that had slid down from the hillside. I thought we had clearance. The undercarriage wasn’t so happy. Neither was my mom. And, I...

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Who’s To Blame?

wednesdays with wayne Mar 22, 2023

Who’s to blame for this?

That question presupposes that someone or something outside of yourself can be held accountable when, if you’re posing a question about blame, you’re likely part of the problem.

 

A “gotcha” culture exists in organizations and families and never, ever has that kind of culture served anyone except the person at the top. 

 

If you’re accountable to yourself and your team, you’ll ask questions of yourself first. “What conditions did I allow/tolerate for this result to exist?”

 

The cat knocks over a precious item: “F’ing cat!!!” or… “What conditions did I allow/tolerate for this result to exist?” (Actually, if you have a cat, it’s probably both of those reactions.)

 

A team member blows a sale with a potentially huge client. 

Fire the team member? Train them?

Again, the question is, “What conditions did I allow/tolerate for this...

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Change The Station

wednesdays with wayne Mar 15, 2023

I’d be driving along, thinking about something, and without realizing it, I would reach down and change the station on the receiver. 

 

I’d catch myself – I liked that song, why did I change the station?

 

On longer trips it’d happen again. And again. What was going on?

 

My subconscious was at work. I’d change the station when I couldn’t tolerate the thoughts I was having. All those “should haves,” the shame and guilt thoughts, the replaying of times I could have stood up for myself or someone else, but didn’t. I couldn’t tolerate it, so I’d change the station.

 

And now that I’m conscious of my subconscious processes, I lean into them. It’s rare now, but if I do find myself wanting to change the station, I’ll examine my thoughts. Do I need to sort something out? Do I need to make something right? Or do I need to let go of the past and recognize that the lesson is part of...

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The Fountain Pen Paradox

wednesdays with wayne Mar 08, 2023

Graceful, elegant, smooth writing comes from the fountain pen. Not when I was younger, though. I got blobs of ink, I tore the paper, and I ended up with inky blue fingers. 

 

What makes a fountain pen work differently than any other pen is that, among other things, a lighter touch is necessary. Graceful strokes don’t come from the hand or wrist. They come from controlling the arm. 

 

And that’s something, isn’t it? I mean, as an analogy for a lot of life lessons, we’re often so focused on the thing that seems to have the power. And when we give that thing more power, we often mess up the very outcome we were after.

 

When we relax, we create a flow that isn’t readily apparent. This is a difficult paradox for those who need control: You need to yield in order to have control. Much like the power found in the martial art of Aikido, yielding gives you the ability to control. 

 

Flow comes from letting go of the...

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Desire + Expectations +

wednesdays with wayne Mar 01, 2023

Let’s talk “manifesting.” 

 

There are times in each of our lives where things go so smoothly. Everything just seems to line up perfectly. And suddenly (it feels like suddenly), we’re given an opportunity.

 

OR

 

There are times in each of our lives where things go so really badly. Everything just seems to line up to be against us. Every step we take seems like a struggle. And it feels like there’s no way out, but in actuality, we’ve been given an opportunity.

 

What some people call manifesting boils down to three key pieces. The point is that you’ll get more of what you put your energy into.  What are these three keys?

 

First – You need to be aware of what you truly desire. What do you really, really feel like you’d give attention to no matter what? It’s like tending a garden. And then the question is, very specifically, what seeds did you sow?

 

When you focus on a positive...

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Bread, Yogurt, Petri Dishes, YOU

wednesdays with wayne Feb 22, 2023

What do bread, yogurt, petri dishes, good organizations, and you have in common?

Imagine a bailiff yelling, “All Rise” and you’d have your answer.

 

There’s a culture inside that helps growth happen. 

Truly great organizations recognize that it’s the mix of people, each with different stories and strengths, that make for a positive culture.

 

The environment must be a positive balance for any positive culture to grow.

This is where YOU come in! You set the tone for those around you to grow or to retrogress.

 

You lift others.

You shine the light and lead the way.

 

Or you diminish others in some vain attempt to make yourself more powerful.

We’ve seen this in politics, in organizations around the world, and in families.

 

As you’re reading this, you have solid examples of those who have lifted or inspired you along the way. And, you’ve probably had some visceral response to a memory of someone whose actions...

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Proving Your Worth

wednesdays with wayne Feb 15, 2023

We’ve just passed Valentine’s Day and I will share that this particular “holiday” used to cause me a lot of concern and stress. It felt like a test of some sort. Like I had to get it “right.” 

 

I felt like I’d be judged by my wife at the time, like my family and friends might also find what I had done adequate or lacking, thereby reflecting on me – as a human or at least as a husband – as adequate or lacking in some way.

 

Decades have passed and I’ve come to recognize how commercial holidays are just that and that in demonstrating the value of a relationship all year long, one day isn’t going to make or break it. 

 

As we come through any of the holidays, so pretty much every day, it’s important to reflect on how you think about yourself in the world, at work, at home, in every single one of your relationships. 

 

Do you feel like you’re in a position of having to prove...

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