You might have experienced a peculiar feeling just before an amazing breakthrough. 

I have, and now I seek to feel it all the time. 

ALL the time. 

One key concept comes up over and over in studying the respected thinkers of the past and the successful leaders of today. My mentors and my mentors’ mentors have referred to this in their own ways, as well. Recently I watched a Netflix special that focused on a highly respected chef. He, too, related this as a foundation of his creative expression.

It’s this: There is a choice, every day – perhaps every moment of every day – and that is to live on the edge of uncertainty.

Why is this so important? 

Because most of us are taught to “be realistic,” to play it safe, and not to venture out too far. We learn how to be, based on the fears of those who guided us early on. Those fears got in. They got in quite subtly. They were seeds that sprouted into stories that...

Over 15 years ago, thoughts about eyewitness testimony shifted. We learned that the eyes, and the people behind the eyes, view the world through the lens of personal bias. 

Sure, we all have biases. Some of us are aware when they poke through, and we seek additional information. Most people are unaware of their personal biases and therefore, filter information to validate what they know.

Our past influences how we experience anything. From the mundane to the exhilarating, we each have our own realities. We could each be a part of the same situation – a concert, political event, or even a simple conversation – and still experience it differently. 

The title of today’s blog is Bending Reality. That requires you to know that your reality is different from mine. And if that’s true, then we can choose to experience our worlds in a new way. 

We can choose how we feel. That’s perhaps controversial. And, if you look at...

When I finish this one thing…

When I move to my next home…

When I get married (or divorced)…

When I get that new job…

Then what?

When I cross some invisible finish line, everything will be so much better.

Destination Thinking will crush you. It’ll paralyze your growth.

We want things to be stable in our lives. We crave security and certainty. So we think in terms of “once this thing happens, everything will be set.” 

If everything else in life stayed the same, then maybe – just maybe – doing one thing will allow you to feel “set” with the predicted outcome. 

Life around us doesn’t pause, so we’re always active in creating some kind of certainty for ourselves. You are resilient. You take in information and reset your course. Be conscious about your strengths here. Recognize that security and certainty come from you knowing that you can handle whatever...

It's said that the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.

The next best time is today. 

That is, what you plant now takes root. It’s the unavoidable law of Cause and Effect. The outcomes you are seeing in your life right now are a result of the seeds you planted years ago. 

As with the law of gravity, it’s at work whether you can see it or not. Flip the switch on the wall by the door. Can you see electricity? And yet, you know its effect. 

The Law of Cause-and-Effect is At Work FOR You!

That’s right! Every result you have in your life right now is up to you to explore and leverage for your next exponential leap. 

The argument against this is that children who are abused did not cause the abuse. And that’s absolutely true. The perpetrator has cause and effect in motion. And the child who grows up a survivor—the stories that child grows into—become the seeds for the strong adult.  

...

The holiday flurry has subsided. The New Year is fresh. You have hopes, dreams, excitement, and maybe some trepidation about the year ahead. All good. Have it. Feel it. Experience it. Love it.

About now, the bills from the past two months might be rolling in. A lot of people feel tension and pressure around those bills. I have. And then, I realized something.

When we cook at my house, we have pots, pans, spatulas, plates, forks, knives, cups, and more. They all end up headed to or near the sink. 

I don’t mind doing dishes. I’m grateful to do them, actually. 

If I’m doing dishes, it means that I’ve likely enjoyed a great meal. There was a “cost” to preparing the meal. And there’s a “cost” to completing it. I invest in my meals by doing the clean-up. And again, I’m grateful for everything that went into the meal itself. 

I’m grateful to do the dishes.

And guess what! I’m...

Ahhhh, a new year and fresh beginnings! 

You know you can experience that feeling every moment of every day, right? It’s just a decision to start anew.

Start anew, anytime! (Psssssttttt!!!! How about NOW??)

That means, think about your life as if you were just plopped into this time and space. None of your past history matters (yes, it shaped you, but it doesn’t hold you hostage or stop you from becoming more). If you were a time traveler and landed in your life today, what would you want to have around you? What life would you build?

Pay attention to the resistance. 

When you think about building the life you want, do your thoughts go to “yeah, but…” this person in my life wouldn’t like it? Or maybe your thoughts swing to “I can’t do – or have – that thing. It’s out of reach. It’s selfish. It’s….” whatever you tell yourself.

Pay attention to the stories...

For those celebrating, Happy Christmas!!!

It might seem like some finish line that you finally get to cross.  

While today is a time of joy and creating a ton of recycling, take just a moment to reflect back on the stress you’ve had this month. 

Stress is so funny (not ha-ha funny, but ridiculous funny). It’s so often self-imposed. 

Here’s how to measure and manage the stress you’ve taken on: Get Rational. 

There’s a therapy style called RET or Rational-Emotive-Therapy. It basically puts your nose in the reality of your responses to any situation. Is the situation worth the amount of emotional energy you’re investing (or wasting)? 

When you think about stress, in three years down the road, will you be looking back and carrying it with you? No, not likely. So, really, it’s a decision in the moment to let it go.

When you think about the big project you’re working on...

I’m working on a major project for management development. One of the concepts that I’m bringing to this amazing program for building a Culture of Caring™ is the idea of how to be even more effective in something we all take for granted. 

Communication is a skill. And today, I’ll give you some quick tips on upleveling that skill, especially as we’re in the midst of “holiday season,” a time rife with emotional ups and downs. 

We humans want and need connection. 

Ultimately, people just want to be acknowledged.

I believe that we—humans—are here to be a positive light in, and witness for, other people’s lives. 

Now a lot of my work focuses on letting go of old stories and letting go of seeking approval from others. And with that said, you can make a big difference in someone’s life by simply seeing them, and by letting them know that they are seen.

At your next holiday...

Last week we talked about the person in your life that complains, blames others, and wants to be rescued all the time. You handle them by setting firm boundaries for yourself and being clear about the expectations set for all. It could be situational. The key is not to play into the drama.

What happens if you find yourself in drama? What happens if you find everything falling down around you? You can’t seem to get that next contract, the work processes you had are failing, the people you rely on are judging you. What if YOU are the one in drama?

There is no other person to blame. 
There is no way to rationalize (or ration-the-lies) about where the responsibility for your life really is. You can point to outside circumstances. You can say that other people “just don’t get it.” You can blame the people you were with for putting you in an uncomfortable situation that you now have to climb out of.

Personally, it takes a lot to push my...

Pretty much every time I consult with an organization, I hear about that one person who seems to be “the problem child.” There’s that one person who doesn’t listen to expectations, doesn’t meet expectations, and then blames everyone else as the “reason” they couldn’t get done what needed to be done.

Years and years (and years) ago, when I was the regional HR Director at Whole Foods Market, one of the senior leaders exclaimed, “Why can’t they just do their f’ing job!” 

You might have a coworker like this.

You might know family members or friends like this.

You might have just “survived” a Thanksgiving holiday and be gearing up for more relative imbalance at the end of this month. 

What happens that this one person seems to need everyone else to make their world right? And, more important, what happens to you when you have to engage with that person?

Whether at...