The Quality of Your Life Can Be Assessed by the Quality of Your Questions

Are you curious during the day? What kinds of questions do you ask yourself and/or ask each other?

Let’s start with the questions that tear you down.

You wake up, you glance in the mirror on your way to the bathroom and you utter under your breath, “how did I gain more weight?”

You turn on the news and you murmur, “why are those people so stupid?”

Another news story, and you shrink back, “will that happen to me?”

The quality of the questions you ask determines the quality of your life. Your subconscious is ALWAYS listening. If your subconscious was another person who could ONLY speak the truth to you, what kinds of responses do you think your subconscious would give you to these questions: 

• How could I have been so stupid?
• How did I get this lucky?

They’re two different questions. Your subconscious will do the work...

It’s not selfish to want your light to shine. 

It’s not “anti-community” to be the lighthouse bringing ships through the passage safely. You, living into your best self, bettering yourself every day, isn’t selfish. You become the model for others. And no, this isn’t about “you MUST better yourself” which would imply you’re not good enough. Oh, you’re MORE than good enough. This is about you knowing that there’s more for you to explore, enjoy, and contribute meaningfully to.

One of my VIP 1:1 Coaching Clients questioned what I meant when I said that I wake up wondering how I might serve greatly today. I do that every day. It’s my purpose and passion to provide a perspective that lifts others. 

It’s funny – I mean, not really funny. It’s just that my client interpreted service as having to dote on others. It’s not that at all. What’s your gift? How can...

Think about what Ultimate Freedom is. I’ve asked this of so many people and all too often, the answer is stunned silence.

“Well, I guess not having to do anything I don’t want to.”

That’s such a negative-based, defensive response. And it provoked my curiosity: 

If ultimate freedom is NOT doing something you don’t like, what is it you would WANT TO DO?

That’s one of the hardest questions to answer. Most people have a lot of rules pop up before they answer that question.

“I mean, I know what I’d want to do, but it’s not practical.”

“Oh, what I’d like to do, my (husband/wife/spouse/other) wouldn’t let me.”

“No, I’ve put off what I want to do for so long, I don’t even know what it is anymore.”

Please read that last line again and tell me if it resonates with you. (Reply to this post and let me know.) Surprisingly, A LOT of people have...

In reviewing some notes from a client, he asked, “When will it all ease up?”

I believe that this indicates that a growth spurt is immanent. When you wonder when – or if –  it will all ease up, you’re either going to find a way to regress, to feel overwhelmed, and to do things that keep you in that state of fluster, or you grow.

“When will it all ease up?”

The truth is that it doesn’t ease up. You just get better at handling what comes your way. 

Oh, and you also gain a little perspective and realize that YOU ARE THE ONE THAT PUT IT ALL THERE. 

         –   The bills. You made choices that got you to the place of enjoying what you have. You just
              deferred the payment for those choices.

         –   The business details. You made choices to hire or not hire, to expand...

Just in time for the holidays… Food for thought!

Have you ever considered what triggers you? 

I don’t live my life offended. I’m pretty sure you don’t either, and yet, everrrryyyy soooo often, something sneaks in. Something happens that we find ourselves defending what we believe in.

We stop thinking about the other person having a right to their opinion without having to fix it. 

Fighting happens when we believe that someone has broken integrity. 

More specifically (and let this sink in) that we somehow let our own integrity get broken by someone else.

We openly root for our favorite politicians and sports teams. When we do so, we believe others should join us. Yet what really happens is that we have opened the door for others to share their opinions with us.

Someone promises you something and breaks that promise.

It happens over and over again. And yet, you want to believe that people are good. Well,...

Psychological Safety is such a big topic! 

Stick with me here. It’s going to feel a little heavy in the middle. I promise you’ll have something positive to hang onto. In a short blog, I can’t go into ALL of the details I’d want. It’d become a full chapter or two. You’ll find something for you in a few places here. Read on!

The current workforce demands psychological safety as a foundational value. When I consult with organizations, the leadership is perplexed. “How are we supposed to offer something like that?” 

And that’s actually a great question because psychological safety means so many different things; every one of us is going to have our own definition of what makes us feel “psychologically safe.”

Let’s flip this around for a moment: 

What makes us feel unsafe?

There are two key things that create a sense of feeling unsafe psychologically:

• Actual...

We’re told to be generous, to help others, and by doing so, we’ll have everything we want. Just as with the notion of “manifestation,” It’s another great, yet horribly misunderstood theory.

People have told me how hard they’ve worked and how they still don’t have it all. “I give and I give, and what do I have to show for it?”

It’s not a simple syllogistic tree of IF This, THEN That. 

To be clear, I’m not saying don’t help people. 

What I am saying is that you can’t do so expecting a quid-pro-quo (a kind of this-for-that) engagement. 

In relationships, the danger here is to do what’s called “score keeping.”

• Well, I took out the garbage.
• Well, I cooked dinner.
• Well, I loaded the dishwasher.
• Well I… 

If you engage in scorekeeping and expect an immediate payout because you were of service once or twice, or maybe you donated to...

Somebody does something that irritates the bejeezus out of you. So much so that you have no more bejeezus left in you. You squirm and vow to make them see your point of view. They’re wrong. And you’re justifiably RIGHT.

The self-righteousness grows and the planning of an attack, or at least a counter-attack, is underway. Your mind whirrs with the best script ever! You’ll bring their offense to their attention. They’ll reply with some remark that’s designed to make you madder. You’ll take a tone of indignation and resentment and show them how wrong they are. They’ll reply, but they’re weakened. You’ll have proven your point. They’ll reluctantly agree, finding some way to save face by calling you a doody-head or something equally terrible. But you’ll feel good because… you won.

Except for one thing.

None of that EVER plays out. 

Think about it. 

Think about how much time you spend...

Foci – it’s a fancy term for areas of focus. Multiple foci might actually be redundant, and yet here we are, dealing with multiple areas of focus - - - every… single… day!

Think of the last time you didn’t feel like you had more than one thing to focus on. 

Personally, I can’t remember when I only had one project, one action step, one individually identifiable thing that I was focused on without a list of 16 things to do when I got through with that one thing. When I go to the gas station, I’m focused on getting gas AND what I’ll be doing after I fill up my tank. Even on vacation, there’s a lot to focus on.

The multiple foci thing isn’t going to change. Our current world state demands that we’re on alert for new information every single moment. Remember that “multi-tasking” isn’t a thing – what we do is called Toggle-Tasking. We flip between item to item and back...

It’s my birthday week (Yayyyyy) and every year at this time, I make my own New Year’s resolutions. Starting as a wish list and refining it all down, I dare to desire! 

I get SUPER specific about what I want to do, have, and become.

What’s amazing is that I created a three year vision not that long ago. That’s not the amazing part. The amazing part is that within the first four months of my three-year vision and plan, I had accomplished over 50% of what I had written. In a third of a year, I completed half of my three-year plan. 

How? 

I wrote it down.

My goals were both personal and professional.

I kept my eyes on my target(s) and anything not those needed to be assessed as potential distractions. 

So now, at my personal New Year, I’m retooling and refining. 

I’m getting specific. And I’m making this an amazing year for myself. I’m not waiting or wishing or hoping. This is my year...