DR. WAYNE PERNELL

At lunch with a Silicon Valley thought leader, we discussed what it takes to be deliberate in every aspect of your life.  We spoke for hours and an amazing analogy dropped onto the table:

One sharp sword is better than a thousand dull ones.

At the time, we were discussing how some people (myself included) hold onto things too long sometimes.  We hold on because we’re used to them being there. We hold on because they’re comfortable. We hold on because they might be useful someday.  We hold on because of what we put into getting them and so there must be value in there somewhere.

That nonsense relates to things, relationships, jobs, and habits.  

We hold onto things because when we acquired them, they had some value.  That perceived value was for the present or for “someday” when they might be useful.  

We hold onto relationships because of something that we saw and had.  And when two people, as individuals change...

I was just on ABC TV #ABC15 in Phoenix talking about happiness. Now, more than ever, we need to find that grounded place within us that lets us know it’s going to be okay!  With the storm of “stuff” we face every day, how can anyone be happy?  Have you seen the news?  

There are a lot of tugs on our emotions.  There are a lot of reasons to feel upset. And, you’re allowed to feel anything you wish.  No one is saying that you need to be jolly in the face of terrible upset. In fact, being human is so essential.  And having empathy as a human is so wonderfully double edged, isn’t it?  

But feeling bad doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t serve the people around you.  No amount of your feeling bad will help someone else who is in pain.  

Think about that.  Empathy is essential.  Understanding another human’s emotion has been highly correlated with success in life.  And,...

A dew-drop glistens on a leaf as the pomegranate tree sways in the breeze.  A squirrel stretches to reach the bird feeder for extra treats. The train whistles across the straight, miles from where I sit.  And my attention is drawn to all of it, simultaneously and sequentially. I can hear the clock ticking. I can hear the fish tank bubbling.  I feel the hard wood chair I sit on as the well-worn seat cushion is no longer supportive. My breathing is slow and, now that I pay attention to it, deliberate.

Now I Am Aware.

What might seem somewhat poetic is a space that we can each bring ourselves back to.  A simple mindfulness for NOW.  

This helps you with your leadership, your parenting, your partnership.  Sure. More than that, this helps you with you. Your current awareness puts everything, EVERYTHING, else in perspective.  

We humans have gotten to a place of URGENT that we seem to live in crisis wayyyy too often.  We need to fix that.

Thor holds out his outstretched arm and his hammer magically finds its way to him.  From the world of Stan Lee, “Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.”

You are granted an opportunity to do something grand; you get to meet someone you’ve idolized or create something special.  And something inside you churns.

This thing you’re committing to, you begin to wonder whether it’s the right thing and if you are the one to do it.  Personally, that feeling has hit me multiple times over my lifetime. You might relate: The first time I landed a big contract on my own, I didn’t know if I was worthy of the contract.  The first time I bought a car on my own, I questioned whether I was really worthy of a new car. Perhaps the questions of value were fleeting. And though passing quickly, the personal assessment was real.  

Remember first dates, job interviews, and as an entrepreneur, opening for...

The Pacific Princess is the ship highlighted in The Love Boat.  

Its sister, the Grand Princess, is a beautiful floating hotel where I spent an awesome 10-days on a cruise from San Francisco to Alaska.  During that time, I learned a lot about myself, my relationships, how I depend on technology, and leadership.

Ten days to deliberately disconnect is a long time and yet, it’s so short in the long run.  This week’s Wednesdays With Wayne brings you lessons from being at sea.  

Disconnecting

I didn’t bring my computer with me.

I brought my iPad “just in case” I convinced myself that I needed to log on or write.  It stayed in the in-room safe the entire time.

I brought my phones and used them for photos, though I do admit to clearing over 400 messages at one port so that I wouldn’t have that many to come back to at the end of the cruise.  

And what I realized is how simple life could be.  

Recovering from hand surgery has given me great insight and perspective on our human condition.  We take so much for granted, at least I did. I never thought about the complex action required of different muscles to hold, squeeze, and turn a cap on a bottle.  Or that I’d need to put my other arm through my sleeve first as I put on my shirt because my hand didn’t flex backwards that far yet (if ever again).

All of that got me thinking about how awkward life is right now.  I’m learning to do things, the “normal” things of daily life. I’m doing them differently.  This is giving me further fodder for my October retreat where we’ll not only focus on personal breakthrough plans, but also on creative thought processes.  (see www.StuckAtTheTop.com for more)

When was the last time you stepped into something as a truly awkward beginner?  Your mind tells you that you “should” know what to do. Your body tells...

You stand on a four-inch by four-inch post, laying on the ground.  It’s relatively easy to balance on. It’s almost as wide as your foot, so you feel supported.

We suspend that 4X4 post between two ladder rungs six feet above the ground.  
We put a $100 bill at the other end.  You feel a little shaky, but you convince yourself that you can walk across the post, from one ladder/support to the other and you’ll take that $100!

We elevate that post and extend it.  It’s now suspended between two buildings and you’re a dozen stories up.  You’re having second thoughts.

We light the other building on fire.
You wonder why anyone would walk that.
We remind you that there’s a $100 bill waiting for you.

Nah… you’re good.  No thanks.

We then tell you that your child is in that other building and that this 4X4 post is the only way in.  The building is on fire.

There’s still a $100 bill on the other...

Hey!  Did you notice that it’s July???

This is not a “gosh, where did the time go?” post.  Nope. This Wednesdays With Wayne is your shake-up, wake-up reminder.   

Just six months ago, we all celebrated the New Year.  Yes, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

You had wishes and desires.
You had hopes.

And you had dreams: “This year!  This year…”  
What?

What was supposed to happen this year?

You didn’t invest in yourself and your dreams became an inconvenient distraction from the day-to-day life you’re used to.  Your dream became an inconvenient distraction? “Yeah, someday I still want to…”

Ouch. You already know how fast the calendar pages turn.  So just where on your calendar is that “someday?”

This is not meant to make you feel bad.  I know that you’ve had a very busy and productive year.  I also know that you lost track. Your dream, something...

With summer upon us (and yes, it snowed in some areas recently), it can be hard to understand how anyone could get bored.  Sure, it’s a common cry for teens who have been removed from their technology, “I’m borrrrrred.” The parental response used to be, “just go outside, there’s plenty to do!”

As adults, we might also experience what we could label as boredom: that feeling of there not being anything worth doing, feeling stuck, or locked into a routine without end.  Boredom, then, is your psyche telling you to be polite and not to burn something down. Any animal that feels backed into a corner will fight for a bit. But when we feel caged – locked into that place or way of being – we shut down.  

In the 1960s, Dr Martin Seligman did some research with dogs in kennels.  It wasn’t pretty and he coined the phrase, “Learned Helplessness” to describe the effects of giving up and taking the...

Surgery is a weird thing. It’s an imposition of trauma on the body in a controlled circumstance.

The resultant need for healing implies associated pain.

A martial arts injury from two and a half decades ago finally needed some attention.

I had a bone in my wrist removed and four corners of my other bones screwed together.

My brother pointed out that I’ve been in a “legal knife fight” by having a surgeon open my wrist.  And in healing, there is pain.

While appropriate meds have that managed, I believe that a lot of the healing came from the support I received.  With a couple hundred well-wishers and prayer warriors online and my wife giving selflessly, I can feel my body speeding to recovery.

As I write, it’s been just a few days since surgery and I’m off of meds (except for 400mg of ibuprofen).

How is this a Wednesdays With Wayne?

1) Sometimes you need to heal.  Take time for that.

2) Sometimes healing brings pain....