When was the last time you were a bit frustrated that what you wanted or expected didn’t pan out the way you thought? Maybe it was that meal you wanted, and it was just “off,” leaving you feeling let down. Maybe it was a meet up – personally or professionally – that got changed at the last minute. Maybe it was your targeted earnings for the quarter. Or maybe someone that works for you or with you is underperforming. 

How do you deal with unmet expectations? 

Some people will throw a tantrum.

Some will just start over and do it all themselves.

And some people (that’s you) will take a step back and get strategic. 

When I consult with organizations and their leaders, I’ll sometimes teach a four-step approach to getting someone back on track. This approach works whether what you’re focusing on is professional or personal.

Step One: Identify the exact/specific outcome you wanted. Not, “this isn’t the report I need” or “this meal isn’t right.” What, specifically, do you want?

Step Two: Get clear about what the result you have really is. “The report needs to blend our OKRs with fourth quarter projections. What’s missing is a list of the resources required to meet each of the key results.” One missing element can make a report less valuable. That doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed. 

“This cake is made with baking powder instead of baking soda.” That leaves it flat and negatively affects the taste. That’s a pretty clear result. 

“I expected you to meet me at 6:30 and you showed up at 7:10.” That’s very specific.

Notice that when things are listed as specifics, it no longer becomes personal.

Step Three: Identify the results you expect. This will be stated as “Next time, please…” or “In the future, I’d like….”

Step Four (super important): Ask what the other person might want or need in terms of support for completing what you had in mind. At a restaurant, “What might I do to ensure that my dish really is gluten free next time?” 

At work, “What support do you need to ensure all of the elements are in the report I’ve asked for?”

At home, “What do you need from me so that ALL of the dirty clothes make it into the hamper?”

Here, you’re taking ownership for the outcome by offering support. When this is at work, you’ll document what the team member says so that future conversations can be built on that.

No need to have an amygdala hijack and let your temper flare when something goes wrong. Get clear on what you expected, state what the current circumstance is, reiterate the expectation, and offer support to make it happen.

Most people will tell you they don’t need your support. Some will want it. Be sure to be there or you’ll have let them down, and you’ll find yourself in a messy cycle. 

At work, at home, or in the world, this process keeps your communication clean and your emotions out of it all.

Good luck! Keep making your magic!

= Wayne = 

P.S. Only a couple of seats remain for October’s Exponential Success Summit in Napa. Click Here for details. Reach out with questions. I’d love to have you check it out.