The One "Dance" Everyone Needs to Know

wednesdays with wayne Feb 08, 2017

You know those moments when you think about something and cringe?  You know, the time that you look back and you just  know you could have handled something differently?  And then there are times that things go sideways and you don’t know how, but you end up feeling badly about how something seemingly so small played out to become that conscience-heavy burden that you now carry.

While that seems to happen less and less, the thing is… it does happen.  In this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, we’ll look at the one “dance” that we all need to know… it’s what I call The Dance Of Forgiveness.  

It’s something we do for ourselves or, more likely, to ourselves when we replay what might have been.  Sometimes, we need this Dance Of Forgiveness as a reset for our entire mindset for the day.  That thought cascade of “now what” will be offset and reset by reframing.  Instead of “now what?,” think about being compassionate.  This situation, this struggle – what I refer to in our human condition as The Worthy Struggle – it doesn’t endure.  There are, in fact triumphs.

Your actions made (and make) a difference.  Step back for a second and judge yourself for your intent.  Only then can you look to your actions to live into that intent.  And remember that sometimes that “cringe experience” isn’t about you at all.  Sometimes it feels like it’s about you when other people imply fault and you try to make up for their expectations. 

It is only when we lose perspective that we suffer through those cringe-worthy moments.  You have to step outside of yourself and outside of the situation.  In the big scheme of things, will you look back on the moment and note that it mattered in such a way that it made a big difference in who you are?  Probably not.  More likely, what happened was simply an integrity violation that popped up momentarily.  So don’t let it last.  

That dance of forgiveness is about having compassion for yourself.  It’s about regaining perspective for the bigger picture.  Can you say, “I forgive myself and will take action to act accordingly.”  Look at what has gone right in ALL of the options that could have unfolded badly, there are a lot of things that went right.  Right?    

Quick questions:

  1. Did you do the best you could with the resources you had?
  2. Really?
  3. Can you fix it?

Sometimes, yes sometimes, we do let people down or hurt them.  Take action to make amends.

Here’s the thing.  You can’t help the situation by feeling badly.  It just doesn’t make a difference.  Flip the situation.  If you’ve been let down by someone, their feeling bad doesn’t make you feel better.  So your feeling bad won’t help anyone else.  You’ve got to get your head and heart in the right place.  Sometimes we simply imagine how others are judging us and we are more harsh on ourselves than others would be.  Take action to forgive yourself.  Look for what’s bright and what’s right.  And then dance… dance that (mental) dance of forgiveness.

Here’s to your significance!
~ Dr Wayne Pernell ~


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