The Expectation of Misery

wednesdays with wayne Jun 14, 2017

Have you ever dreaded something because, well, you know it’s going to be horrible?  A lot of people dread going to the dentist.  Here in the U.S., most of us dread going to the Department of Motor Vehicles.  But why?  

You were trained to expect misery!

In this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne we’ll look at how that happens and how to stop it!

Pregnant women are never met with “oh how wonderful, you’re going to have an amazing experience.”  Nope.  What happens is that everyone comes out with their own story of what pregnancy and childbirth is like.  I know this is odd coming from a guy; it’s something I’ve noticed and it’s a great example of what we do to spread the misery when we really don’t have to!


We play “Can You Top This” with our horror stories.  

“Oh, you were at the DMV for two hours?  I was there for three… four… five… two days… had to come back…” etc.  

“You’re lucky you only needed a root canal, I had to get two root canals, four crowns, and an implant.”

“Yeah, car mechanics will always gouge you.  You go in for wiper blades and you come out needing brakes!”


There are so many pieces to this puzzle at play.  We actually LIKE to play the “I was more miserable than you” game.  We amp it up.  We tuck it away.  We wield it.

In the meantime, we armor up.  We gear up for a battle that just doesn’t need to be fought.  What would happen if you simply put the expectation of misery to bed?

What would happen if, when you next go for a visit to the DMV or Post Office or Dentist or Car Mechanic or, dare I say, your job... what would happen if you made it your mission to make everyone you spoke with smile?    What if you brought your best self to those situations and you shifted the interaction so it became more human (and more humane) from the start because of what YOU brought?  

Yes, certainly there’s a strategy involved.  

It starts with intent.  It starts with your intent for the day.  It’s not about what you have to endure.  It’s about whose life you get to affect.  That is, what if because you created a pleasant interaction with smiles the person you engaged with actually went home and was more playful with their kids?  You would have affected the lives of people you didn’t even know.

I’m not saying to go out and be all jolly and fake.  I’m saying, humanize your interactions.  All of them.  In the morning, as you’re showering or dressing for the day, think about whom you’ll encounter.  Then, think about what difference you can make.

Also, think about how to keep your own energy up.  In the situations I’ve used as examples, there is often waiting involved.  Bring something to read and or in which to write.  Keep your focus and your intent.  Keep hydrated and beware of sugar or carb lows, so watch what you’re eating.

Seriously, that’s a strategy that’s often overlooked.  How often have you gone somewhere that you knew there’d be a wait and you told yourself you’d get food later?  Going in “hangry” doesn’t help you bring out your best self.


Feed yourself – bring the right fuel for your body.

Grow yourself – bring good reading or your journal (no, not games on your phone).

Be your best self – live into being that person that you would want to see if you were the one on the other side of that counter or in the other chair.


Now… take all that into the world, into work, and then bring it back home.  (This is a separate topic because this of the two way nature and the fact that you get to ask for what you want.  We’ll go into that later.  Let me know if this is something you’d like me to spend more time on.)

There’s no need to expect misery or to go into a situation for the sake of collecting tragic stories.  You can do better than that by doing better than that.

Make someone else’s day today.  That’s what being the DynamicLeader® is all about.  

You’ve got this!

Keep making your magic!

~ Dr P ~

Some of you who are familiar with my work know that I used a double “watch word” sentence in the first paragraph.  Yes, I did that.  Yes, it was on purpose.  Not sure what the watch words are that can change your life?  Take a look inside my book Choosing Your Power and find out!  Better still, hold the last week of July for some special training at no-cost.  

That’s right it’s F R .E E and it’s just for you!  (Apparently if you use that word, Mr Google doesn’t like it very much and bad things happen.  I don’t know.  I just know that at the end of July, I’m giving away some massively amazing content that will help you in your relationships and will help you as a leader.  I’m pretty excited about it and I know you’re going to love it!)


Dr Wayne Pernell has multiple programs to help you break through to your next level of achieving more, being more, and serving more.  To learn about the books or programs offered, look around the website and/or click on any of the links in this email.


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