Working with a mentor and coach can be tough. I guess it’s supposed to be. Each of us lives our lives to the best of our abilities and no one really wakes up any morning going, “gosh, I wonder how I can get further mired down in my own blind spot muck today.”
It’s why high performers don’t stop improving. They seek an outside perspective. They know there’s more for their lives and they know they can’t see it all. Great athletes need great coaches. Great entrepreneurs and leaders all have great coaches.
And even as a great coach – yep, I’m known as The Exponential Success Coach – I have three advisors I work with for different parts of my life and business. I know what I know. I know what I don’t know. And, most important, I don’t know what I don’t know.
And neither do you. You don’t know what you don’t know. That’s a blind spot. We all have them.
My a** was handed to me so gently by one of my advisors when I was talking about all of the things I needed to do and what I “should” do and the things I had put on my task list that seemed to roll over to the next day, day after day.
“You’re not getting them done because you really just don’t want to do them.”
Well, uhhhh, errrr, yeah… I guess… I mean…
He didn’t say it maliciously or to make me feel bad. He said it supportively and to point out something he could see that I couldn’t see. He was simply stating his perspective. That happened to be The Truth. I had to take a hard look at myself. Really, I’m great at doing the things I want to do. I had to take a serious look at why I wasn’t getting the other stuff done. And I had to look at one more thing: what would happen if I simply declared that I’m not going to do it?
I travel a lot. I used to pack workout gear, even on the short trips. I’d let my body adjust to the time change and then I’d have to get up and get going. “Well, I guess I’m not working out today.” In service to restorative sleep, I didn’t work out. It was a healthy trade off. I hydrate and walk more when I travel than I do when I’m at home. So, it’s not like I’m sedentary. The point is that I had to admit to myself that on short trips, I’m just not going to work out. So stop torturing myself with the idea that I might and then stop guilt-tripping myself when I’d pack to come home having never worn my workout gear. The same was true for that book I really told myself I wanted to read. I’ll get to it. Just not on this trip!
I did that with other things in my life, too. I don’t do all of my social media anymore. I have a great team that does that with and for me. (I still write all of my own blogs – every week, this is all me.)
I knew that guilt didn’t serve me. It doesn’t serve anyone, really. If you feel badly about something it doesn’t make the something any different. I felt badly that I didn’t exercise. I felt badly that I had things on my to-do list that didn’t get done.
Then, I stopped packing things I knew I wasn’t going to get to.
I got really honest with myself. And something magical happened.
When I stopped holding onto the “supposed to” stuff, I regained control of my calendar. I found a new charge in and for my life.
And that’s the work. Sometimes you need someone with an outside perspective to say the simplest, most uncomfortable thing. The truth.
When you hear it, you know it.
Not everything you hear from your friends or well-intended family members will be the truth. It’ll be their truth for who they think you are supposed to be. It’s why a coach, who knows your goals and dreams, can give you the best non-judgmental, unattached observations.
Getting support for your dreams and your big goals is important. Staying attached to old stories and “supposed to” rules won’t serve you.
Do some journaling. Reflect a bit. What are you holding onto that you know you’ll never really do? If you let go of that, what will happen? It’s possible that you’ll feel a little more and in charge of your life!
Get curious. Stay curious.
Keep making your magic.
See you here next week!
= Wayne =
Want to dive deeper? Do yourself the favor of checking out the small group I hold called The Exponential Success Summit!