“I don’t dance.” It was an old story I had told myself to keep from feeling awkward. It was a wound from my high-school days (probably earlier) when I was teased about how ridiculous I looked.
I’ve been on an amazing journey of letting go.
It’s been tough, because I grew up with the idea that “people were watching and what would they think, for goodness’ sake!”
I think most of us learned to “be good” because someone might judge us badly. And if we were judged badly, we wouldn’t fit in. We’d be ostracized. We’d be out in the cold, lonely and alone.
It’s not something we think about consciously. That’s the work: to make conscious the unconscious rules and scripts we’ve been living.
They’re all lies.
The lies of judgement, of being left out… It’s hard to reconcile that a lot of my life, I was hiding from being the authentic me. I mean, my doctorate is in clinical psychology. Don’t I know this stuff? Yep, I do. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t have old stories and scripts running through my subconscious mind that guide my actions.
We all do. Heck, we’re all quirky.
The question is, what do you want to do with it?
About two months ago, my daughter got married.
There’s a father-daughter dance that happens. And “I don’t dance.”
The truth is, and this was the work I did, first people may or may not judge me.
Second, if they do, that’s more about them.
Third, I may or may not be good at dancing. I can be on a dance floor for a few minutes with my daughter. It’s not about me.
Fourth, no judgment is about me.
Wait... there’s a theme there.
Had I been hiding from allowing the authentic me out?
Yes, yes I had. And the idea of dancing was just one place that had shown up. The good news is that the work I’ve been doing to take bigger and bigger stages has allowed me to show up with less and less armor.
I don’t need to be funny, or puffy, or pompous, or anything that I thought other people expected. And since my dad’s passing a year and a half ago, I’ve been doing a lot of reviewing of the scripts, stories, and rules I took on.
I couldn’t afford to be authentic, not fully authentic out in public anyway.
Yes, I’ll continue to work on myself. I’m writing this, sharing this, so that you might consider some reflection of yourself, as well.
Here’s the Truth with a capital T: As adults, none of us needs anyone else’s approval to become more of the person you are and less of the person you thought you were expected to be.
There are decades to sort through. There are stories and rules and scripts all running in the background telling you how you’re supposed to be.
No more of that.
At my daughter’s wedding, I danced.
I danced with her.
I danced with my ex-wife. I danced with my wife. I danced with old friends. And I danced with people I had never met before. I felt the music and let it come through me. And if anyone was watching me or judging me, that was on them, not on me. I don’t claim to be a great dancer.
Remember that I write these blogs not for some therapeutic exercise, or for your voyeuristic pleasure, but rather to give you something to think about. In what areas have you been hiding from becoming your more authentic self? What stories might be holding you back from becoming more freely expressed, having fun, or leading?
Leading authentically comes from daring to be vulnerable.
Will people judge you? Of course. Does it matter? Nope! If you show up more solidly as your authentic self, you show up as more trustworthy.
And that’s the lesson here.
If you want people to accept you and trust you,
then you need to accept and trust yourself first.
What armor or façade do you no longer need?
Stay curious and keep making your magic!
= Wayne =
I’m serious when I point you in this direction 🡪 It’s time to pay attention to how you are and who you are. Your huge leap ahead awaits: www.ExponentialSuccessSummit.com