Having your way with… you!

wednesdays with wayne Aug 02, 2017

I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait…

(from Patience by Guns n Roses)

Have you ever wanted something to go your way?  Of course you have, no one sets out on their day hoping things won’t go their way.  The thing is there are a lot of factors playing into what our “way” is.

In fact, if you think about it, there are so many factors that feed into the path we’re paving, it’s really amazing that we get our way at all.  And today, in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne, let’s look at a few things that affect your getting what you really want.

Intentionality & Clarity – Think about the last time you were really clear… I mean REALLY clear about what you wanted.  In Choosing Your Power, I called that your EPO or Envisioned Positive Outcome.  When you are super clear about what you want, you’re more likely to get it.  The more specific the better… usually.

A few nights ago, my wife and I headed out to find dinner.  We were told about a place that sounded good.  When we got there, the ambiance was completely wrong for the kind of evening we wanted.  Next door there was an alternative and above this first restaurant was yet another restaurant.

I wanted a nice fish dinner.  We were in Southern California and the area was known for having decent seafood restaurants.  More important to me was to wind down and relax with my wife.

The first restaurant, the one we headed for initially, turned out to be a bit of a dive diner.  They might have had good food.  We just both wanted a different experience.

Next door was another seafood restaurant. As we walked towards it, we became painfully aware that the band and party atmosphere was going to make it incredibly difficult to hear each other.

Neither of those restaurants were bad.  In fact, they were both doing a good business.  Neither offered us the experience we wanted that particular evening.

On the deck above the first restaurant was a Brazilian place.  It wasn’t seafood.  It was close.  We didn’t know anything about it.  We decided to explore.

The place was a little louder than we would have liked, and… we were getting hungrier.

So we stayed.  It wasn’t seafood.  It wasn’t super quiet.  And yet, we enjoyed the heck out of ourselves.

The EPO (remember that’s the Envisioned Positive Outcome) that I had in mind was a quieter seafood restaurant where we could unwind.  How could the result have become a Brazilian place with… uhhh… entertainment in the aisles?

It’s about a few key factors that feed the EPO –

First, our In/Out decision-making changed as time progressed.

Staying curious along the way

Then, patience.  

And keeping on with persistence.

You get what you want by being clear about what you want, by making decisions that get you there, and by being patient while being persistent.

We wanted dinner.  As we explored each place, it became clear that “seafood” as a filter was less important than “experience” or “ambiance.”

Our decision making changed based on the clarity of the filter to the outcome.

We didn’t settle.  Can you imagine settling on the first place because we were told it was the place to be: “Oh okay, well… we were told to come here, this place has seafood, it’s noisy, smells bad, and the counter tops are sticky.  Let’s eat here.”  Nope, nope, nope.

Think about the last decision you made.  Break it down a bit.  I’ve given you an example of going to dinner.  That could’ve set the tone for the trip we were on.  It could’ve affected the way we interacted with each other.  And, in fact, it did.  We became clearer about our outcomes as a couple… as a team.

What decisions did you make recently?

How tied were you to the exact results?

What happened when you let go of the exact results that you thought you were after and got clearer about what really mattered to you?

That became a theme – As I looked at it objectively, it’s not a bad framework to follow:

  • Start with Your Outcome in Mind – Your EPO
  • Explore with Curiosity
  • Make Decisions of In/Out via Values Filters
  • Use Patience, then Persistence to Play It Out

What do you think?  How have you seen this work for you?

Share your stories with me (and the rest of our community) here!

Until next time, Keep Making Your Magic™!!!

~ Dr P ~


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