Giving to others usually feels good. Usually. 

So how come giving can sometimes leave you feeling tired, resentful, or energetically depleted? 

You show up, you help, you are thanked for your help and everything looks exactly the same. Enter the MindState™ principle that I call Generative Sufficiency. 

Not all giving is equal. 
Sometimes giving is generative. It produces something.
Sometimes it’s protective. Other times it’s obligatory. Sometimes, it’s fear driven.

Generative Sufficiency is about your internal state.

When you’re grounded, when you are not driven by approval-seeking or some form of validation, you’re able to be naturally generous. You give freely. 

Dopamine feeds back a good feeling, and you give meaning to the giving. 
Oxytocin kicks in and you feel connected and a sense of belonging. 
(I’m simplifying for the sake of a short blog post; you get what I mean.)

When you feel obligated, or you give to gain the approval of others, your experience is completely different. If you’ve ever felt embarrassed about how much to donate to charity or to put in the basket at church, or if you worry whether the birthday gift you gave to a friend was “good enough,” you may be unnecessarily taking on judgment. 

Most people are so busy watching themselves, they don’t really notice what anyone else is doing. So, don’t put energy into that kind of worry!

When you’re afraid of being viewed badly and you give so that you’ll fit in, you’re out of alignment. It’s a sign that you’re living from a place of lack, fear, and shame. 

You’re protecting yourself. And in doing so, you forgot who you really are. Remember that awareness leads to choice, and that the universe provides abundantly when you have clarity. So choose what you desire without guilt. 

Then, give without expectation. 
This is the key – 

Several years ago, I began a practice based on an exercise a mentor took me through. It’s simple. I will randomly give $100 to someone; it could be anyone: restroom attendants, food service workers, students, and even businesspeople. 

I’ll give someone a gift like that as I’m walking away. It’s important that the gift is freely released and not an exchange. I don’t wait to find out if they appreciate it. 

If you wait for a “thank you,” you’re engaged in a transaction. The trick is to give. Give without waiting for approval. Give without knowing how the gift will be used. Give freely. (I have had people follow after me to get my attention and thank me. That does feel good, for sure. It’s important to practice giving without expectation. That’s generative sufficiency. You have enough that you can give freely. Total MindState shift for most people!)

If I give you a set of beautifully crafted chopsticks and you use them to prop up some plantings in a pot or to tie back your hair, it’s up to me to let go of how I thought you’d use that gift. 

Generative Sufficiency isn’t about any obligation, the amount you give, or how frequently you give. It’s about giving from a place of being whole. You don’t need someone else to validate that you’ve done something nice. Nor do you need to control how (or if) the gift will be used. 

I gave something really special to someone that I thought could use it. I thought about them. I thought about their wants and their needs. I went out of my way to get this special thing. And… and they returned it. It took some work to let go, but I got there. Once you give the gift, it’s not yours to determine what will be done with it.

Bring yourself back to center.
Recognize how whole you really are.
Give freely from a place of Generative Sufficiency. You are enough. And sometimes, just sitting in the same room with someone is enough.

Keep making your magic.

= Wayne =