Allowing Awkward

wednesdays with wayne Jul 17, 2019

Recovering from hand surgery has given me great insight and perspective on our human condition.  We take so much for granted, at least I did. I never thought about the complex action required of different muscles to hold, squeeze, and turn a cap on a bottle.  Or that I’d need to put my other arm through my sleeve first as I put on my shirt because my hand didn’t flex backwards that far yet (if ever again).

All of that got me thinking about how awkward life is right now.  I’m learning to do things, the “normal” things of daily life. I’m doing them differently.  This is giving me further fodder for my October retreat where we’ll not only focus on personal breakthrough plans, but also on creative thought processes.  (see www.StuckAtTheTop.com for more)

When was the last time you stepped into something as a truly awkward beginner?  Your mind tells you that you “should” know what to do. Your body tells...

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Fear Or Love

wednesdays with wayne Jul 10, 2019

You stand on a four-inch by four-inch post, laying on the ground.  It’s relatively easy to balance on. It’s almost as wide as your foot, so you feel supported.

We suspend that 4X4 post between two ladder rungs six feet above the ground.  
We put a $100 bill at the other end.  You feel a little shaky, but you convince yourself that you can walk across the post, from one ladder/support to the other and you’ll take that $100!

We elevate that post and extend it.  It’s now suspended between two buildings and you’re a dozen stories up.  You’re having second thoughts.

We light the other building on fire.
You wonder why anyone would walk that.
We remind you that there’s a $100 bill waiting for you.

Nah… you’re good.  No thanks.

We then tell you that your child is in that other building and that this 4X4 post is the only way in.  The building is on fire.

There’s still a $100 bill on the other...

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Your “inconvenient” dream

wednesdays with wayne Jul 03, 2019

Hey!  Did you notice that it’s July???

This is not a “gosh, where did the time go?” post.  Nope. This Wednesdays With Wayne is your shake-up, wake-up reminder.   

Just six months ago, we all celebrated the New Year.  Yes, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

You had wishes and desires.
You had hopes.

And you had dreams: “This year!  This year…”  
What?

What was supposed to happen this year?

You didn’t invest in yourself and your dreams became an inconvenient distraction from the day-to-day life you’re used to.  Your dream became an inconvenient distraction? “Yeah, someday I still want to…”

Ouch. You already know how fast the calendar pages turn.  So just where on your calendar is that “someday?”

This is not meant to make you feel bad.  I know that you’ve had a very busy and productive year.  I also know that you lost track. Your dream, something...

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Boredom, Anger, Depression, and Self-Loathing

wednesdays with wayne Jun 26, 2019

With summer upon us (and yes, it snowed in some areas recently), it can be hard to understand how anyone could get bored.  Sure, it’s a common cry for teens who have been removed from their technology, “I’m borrrrrred.” The parental response used to be, “just go outside, there’s plenty to do!”

As adults, we might also experience what we could label as boredom: that feeling of there not being anything worth doing, feeling stuck, or locked into a routine without end.  Boredom, then, is your psyche telling you to be polite and not to burn something down. Any animal that feels backed into a corner will fight for a bit. But when we feel caged – locked into that place or way of being – we shut down.  

In the 1960s, Dr Martin Seligman did some research with dogs in kennels.  It wasn’t pretty and he coined the phrase, “Learned Helplessness” to describe the effects of giving up and taking the...

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On Pain and Support

wednesdays with wayne Jun 19, 2019

Surgery is a weird thing. It’s an imposition of trauma on the body in a controlled circumstance.

The resultant need for healing implies associated pain.

 

A martial arts injury from two and a half decades ago finally needed some attention.

I had a bone in my wrist removed and four corners of my other bones screwed together.

My brother pointed out that I’ve been in a “legal knife fight” by having a surgeon open my wrist.  And in healing, there is pain.

While appropriate meds have that managed, I believe that a lot of the healing came from the support I received.  With a couple hundred well-wishers and prayer warriors online and my wife giving selflessly, I can feel my body speeding to recovery.

As I write, it’s been just a few days since surgery and I’m off of meds (except for 400mg of ibuprofen).

 

How is this a Wednesdays With Wayne?

1) Sometimes you need to heal.  Take time for that.

2) Sometimes healing brings pain....

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It All Fell Through

wednesdays with wayne Jun 12, 2019

Having cleared two days from my calendar and received special coaching for my time on the air, I was excited to be heading to Texas.  The Dallas - Fort Worth area is the #5 Market in the U.S. That’s good exposure, even if it is just for a few minutes.

I got in on Thursday, surprised by the heat.  Okay, I knew I was coming to Texas; the heat wasn’t really that big of a surprise to me.  My Uber driver was a man from Jerusalem and was so proud of having passed his immigration interview.  He showed me his letter as he eagerly awaits the call to be sworn in as a citizen of the United States.  He was almost in tears, and as he told me his story, I felt a tug inside. What must it be like to want to be here so badly?

My lodging, a Hilton, was originally the Hotel Texas.  This was the last hotel that President Kennedy stayed in before, as they say, America lost its innocence.  The hotel has about 14 floors. Kennedy stayed on the 8th floor...

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Paradox of Self Esteem

wednesdays with wayne Jun 05, 2019

We’re told that we don’t need anyone else to make us feel good about ourselves.  

To a certain extent, that’s true.
That’s also wrong.

You are a social being and live in-relation-to others.  

What we do affects others.  What we say affects them, as well. And what others say or do affects us.  Truly, unless you have some level of sociopathy, you do care what other people say/feel/think about you.

The trick, then for this Wednesdays With Wayne, is to choose whose influence you let in.  

Because I am more and more in the public eye, I have had a few “haters” and “trolls” online.  I keep my perspective and I don’t let their opinion matter. I filter those out and open to those whom I know have my best interest at heart.  

Who?  How?

As a high performer, I seek great coaching.  (Yes, high performers have coaches for the sake of perspective, guidance, and exceptional counsel.) Getting the...

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Chaos: So Highly Unnecessary

wednesdays with wayne May 29, 2019

I laughed out loud when my client told me that she’s “been thrown into chaos lately.”  That’s not the part that I laughed at.  

What was both funny and poignant was what she said next, “I’ve learned I don’t care for that.”  She paused, then with a smile in her voice she said, “It seems highly unnecessary.”

She has an understated style.  Personally, I appreciate that. I’m always trying to get her to be just that bit more expressive.  And you know, this style, her unique style, works for her. And what she said, that she’s learned she doesn’t care for chaos, that got me thinking.  Who does? There ARE people who like it, need it, and even create it when it’s not there.

It really does seem “highly unnecessary,” as she says.  While some thrive on the chaos, and being a victim of it - that’s where some of the greatest/lamest excuses come from - high...

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Breaking the Loop

wednesdays with wayne May 22, 2019

A gentleman just asked me something.  Actually, I asked him something first.  He’s a super creative guy who is pretty grounded.  And my question to him was, “what is your biggest challenge right now?”

What he came out with surprised me.  He was so thoughtful. He scrunched up his face, looked sideways, looked up, looked down.  He was searching.

And then he said, “I think it’s breaking the loops.”  

I wanted to understand more, so I inquired further.  And as he explained, I knew this would have to be a Wednesdays With Wayne blog post for you because we all have our “loops.”

He noted that he really endeavors to be mindful.  And yet… And yet there are times that he gets so focused in and so close to the thing that’s in front of him that when it doesn’t go smoothly, he gets into a cycle of telling himself things and not seeing any other potential outcomes.

How do smart people get...

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The Not-Doing Decision

wednesdays with wayne May 15, 2019

In talking with a leader whom I admire greatly, we discussed some valuable lessons he imparted to his teams.  One of the lessons my dear friend Roger talked with me about was how doing nothing is a choice.

Procrastinators, those who put off doing something, are choosing to create panic situations at the last minute. And their choices needn’t affect you.  Last week’s Wednesdays With Wayne - “Not My Monkey” - talked about how you don’t have to take on anyone else’s mess just because they created it.  And this week’s topic overlaps in that the lesson is that for whatever action you take and for whatever action you don’t take, you are making a choice with certain consequences.

Consequences may be intentional and deliberate as you drive toward a particular goal.  Or the consequences may be unintentional and result from either an oversight or some kind of inaction.  

And that brings us back to this: Inaction is...

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